I &club; Cthulhu.

</lie> DAMMIT! <lie>
I did not mean "I ♣ Cthulhu", I meant "I ♠ Cthulhu". I am Rolf Harris.

The opposite of antelope is decelope. penelope is unamused.

€pean right now, so you might want to change your trousers.

Saddam Hussein was recently given a colonic irrigation. The old-school members of the US Dept. of Defense still cling to the ideaology that "The enema of our enemy is our friend".

A friend of mine recently decisively won an ale-drinking contest. He describes it as a "Whoopin' of Bass consumption".

Posting lies is not nearly as fun as reinstalling Windows XP.

Rolf Harris and Ralph Nader are the same person. You've never seen them together, have you?

Durham cricketers Graham Onions and Philip Mustard are forming a rock band called "The Condiments". Early reviews claim that listening to them is "like wearing a mentholated prophylactic".

Actually, Harris and Nader have only pursued seperate careers since the breakup of their soft roots-rock due Rolf 'n' Ralph in the late 1970s. They never really survived the ill-advised decision to go electric.

Mentholated prophylactic was going to be the name of my bands first album but we were persuaded not to use that title by our PR team, who chose the title Dreams of Pain! Needless to say we only sold 3 copies and now make a living writing jingles for Radio Omsk..........