Dr Watson came around to my house and was puzzled by the sight of a tree full of yellow chickens. I said, "that's a lemon hen tree my dear Watson."

Ouch, that's bad!

The phrase/word/acronym 'OK' (sometimes expressed as "Okay") comes from the Middle English repsonse to local woodchoppers enquiring of the squire "Is it permissible to chop down the stand of trees in the bottom forty?" and subsequently receiving the response, "If it's oak, aye".

For breakfast this morning I had lightly toasted antelope buttocks spread with butter made from the milk of the Indonesian pigmy elephants, all washed down with a glass of freshly squeezed kitten juice.

Vertical is the new horizontal.

[Dujon]Scarily plausible!
I am Freddie Starr, and I actually ate two.

35⅓°15'22" is the new vertical.

</lie>I thought the HTML entities defined a third? Oh well.<lie>
When vertical is indistinguishable from 16-22i°52'19-92i"", then Cthulhu will rise.

I &club; Cthulhu.

</lie> DAMMIT! <lie>
I did not mean "I ♣ Cthulhu", I meant "I ♠ Cthulhu". I am Rolf Harris.

The opposite of antelope is decelope. penelope is unamused.

€pean right now, so you might want to change your trousers.

Saddam Hussein was recently given a colonic irrigation. The old-school members of the US Dept. of Defense still cling to the ideaology that "The enema of our enemy is our friend".

A friend of mine recently decisively won an ale-drinking contest. He describes it as a "Whoopin' of Bass consumption".

Posting lies is not nearly as fun as reinstalling Windows XP.

Rolf Harris and Ralph Nader are the same person. You've never seen them together, have you?

Durham cricketers Graham Onions and Philip Mustard are forming a rock band called "The Condiments". Early reviews claim that listening to them is "like wearing a mentholated prophylactic".