mc5 - ... so help me God.

I invented a double-entendre machine, but the knob kept coming off in my hand.

I invented an instant English-to-Spanish translator, but Πήρα τη γλώσσα λανθασμένη.

With the adept use of 8 shaving mirrors and 1 clothes mirror, I can view the scene outside of my bed room window while making a cup of tea in the kitchen! I am a nosey neighbour!!!

Tuj

I invented nipple creep to undermine ZK.

Angus Prune

I invented the internet.

ZK

Angus Prune, thou art yet a child.

ZK

And so am I, if it comes to that.

Robin

I'm so old, I was born in black and white.

plump

I invented the boneless chicken, it's over there in that bucket.

DrQu+xum

I invented binary. -1!

Tuj

I invented the binary -1, and shelves.

Snagandorf

i invented a propetual motion machine but couldent keeb the thing running for more than five minuts.

Bob the dog

I invented a robot that doesn't work in order to give the unemployed a break.

Chalky

I've got a luvverly buch of coconuts ....

Chalky

OK - maybe I meant 'bunch'

ZK

I've got a luvverly Buch of coconuts, which I picked up in Bonn from a man who bore a striking resemblance to Terry Jones.

Deek

It is a little known fact that Terry Jones is actually Aled Jones's dad.

Bob the dog

...and his mother is Catherine Zeta Jones.

Kim

Catherine was, of course, the Jones's sixth child.

DrQu+xum

I invented the Greek alphabet so Welsh women could have odd middle names.

Angus Prune

Catherine's father being Tom Jones of course.

Angus Prune

Her uncle is Griff Rhys Jones

Angus Prune

Terry Jones' father was Tommy Lee Jones. Aled Jones' long lost brother is James Earl Jones.

Angus Prune

I could go on like this all day

Tuj

It's all lies. They're all Smiths in disguise. There is no such thing as a Jones.