Never accept strong drink from Tuj, especially if there is an olive in the glass.

Penguins will run on lemon juice if fish are unavailable, although their mileage will be reduced.

The southern Penguin colonies seemed to have survived although the Penguin Empire itself has disappeared. Purely as a matter of interest, some of the colonies are monarchist in their structure and others somewhat more dictatorial (e.g. the King and Emperor species).

Fairy penguins have had scientists stumped since their colonies were rediscovered in the late 1800s. Coat room ticket?

Tuxedos, once the epitome of fashion, are now acceptable only at barbeques and pool parties.

I played pool - once: I drowned.

'They' say that drowning is a wonderful experience - even better than sex. Given that I've never had sex (and my children will verify that) I find myself in a rather awkward position.

DNA tests are the best thing since sliced bread. When I got the results the other day I was so releived to find that the little b*stards don't carry my genes.

I know why I posted my previous.

Twinkys have not been made in the pas fourty years, they have a giant warehouse full of them and simply make new packaging so noone sees the truth.

Jokes about the similarity between the words "genes" and "jeans" will be, and have always been, fresh and amusing.

The onset of vertigo is a sure sign that you are about to receive a letter from your bank manager.

Vertigo is the French word for Traffic Lights.

I like vertigo. I like vertigo. I like vertigo, but only when I'm green.

Dr Q] Here comes another one.

In Britain an "X" is used on ballot papers, as this represents your kiss of good luck to your chosen candidate. The single transferable kiss is however merely whoreish.

It's a well known fact that the pen is mightier than the sword, which is why Lord Byron chose pistols when challenged to a head-on confrontation in an essay writing competition by a classmate in 3C.