Personalities clashed at my job in the strawberry packaging warehouse. I used to make a lot of jokes and insinuations, until I was called into the manager's office and told that I was no longer required to punnet.

I am still concerned to hear about Tony Blair and the Armadillo, was it the drink?..

I was a Grand Canyon tour guide until I was told to take a hike.

I worked in a talcum factory until I was told to take a powder.

I tested Bungie cords until I was let loose.

I am pissed off at Kim for having started this thread again.

I made fishing lures...then one day I got the hook.

I worked in the menswear department until they cut all ties with me.

I used to be a poet until my licence was revoked.

I was the captain of the Surrey county cricket team before they went Batty.

I worked in a commode factory...then I got dethroned.

I write policy for the Bush Administration, and everyone says I do a fine job.

I used to work in porno films but I got laid off.

I used to be a consistent liar, but now I'm the Queen of Sheba.

Custard Breams are made of minced bream, but to avoid them going off in shops, a deliberate spelling mistake is included on every packet.

Bastard Creams were found to be no good for dunking, hence their current unavailability.

It has been shown in tests that you can dunk anything with a volume of less than 20 cubic miles. For bigger objects, you simply need a double-sized mug of tea.

Ecquador has lost its spectacles.

I am a master of Ecky Thump. Look at the size of my flat cap!

"Blue Suede Shoes" contains any number of sly allusions to Elvis' hobby of competitive rose growing. The line "Two for the show" in particular refers to the standard practice at the time of providing two blooms at an exhibition, the judges then choosing the one which was marked most highly.

Kilimanjaro is made of margarine.