Thick people are the same as clever, people only much wider......hence my nickname!

But clever people always put the (,'s) in the right place.....I am widey and I invented sliced bread..........

I am noballey and I invented both the bread knife and bread. Sadly, I never put two and two together.

That wasn't me. And I don't care what you say -- that was a great joke!

I'm not at home right now. I'm feeling wonderful. No coughing, no aching, no dry-heaves!

One of my fondest memories of my schoolboy years was leaving a coursework assignment 'til the night before it was due in, and getting the sh*ts that night (excuse me).

Seedless grapes were originaly developed by Arthur Pollwick in 1907 whilst working in the French town of Urvet-la-Monge. He was killed in 1916 on the Western front, whilst trying to develop the "self-seeding" damson for the allied forces.

One of my fondest memories from my schoolboy years was getting a glimps of stocking top from Miss Butley, as she was bending over to pick up a stray piece of chalk from the class room floor.....I got to see a bit more than that too, at a later date, but thats another story!!!

Mrs Dulcie Fishwick of Farnworth, Lancashire, is credited as the first women ever to run a full marathon dressed as Donald Duck (1962).

Napalm makes a great substitute spread if you happen to run out of marmite and it has a similar taste. The USAAF dropped 1.2 million tons of marmite on Vietnam during the Vietnam war, by accident. This was due to a clerical error which came to light several years after the conflict ended!!!!

This sentence may or may not be true, depending on the phase of the moon and who's keeping wicket for England.