Mike Oldfield seldom talks about his first album, Cubular Bells, as it's generally regarded as a bit square (although a solid piece of work).

I'm so embarrassed! I've been duped by a salesman into buying a rubber replica mobile phone. What is worse is that he has also replaced my entire family with rubber replicas too. Still, at least they are ‘bendy’.

Cindy is the word Americans use for sweat.

Bread sticks, are actually made form 50 year old oak twigs!

Twiglets. No more to add.

After years of slavish work, Jane Brucker has finally been awarded a ten-album record contract.

Marshmallows are mostly farmed in the Norfolk Broads. Specially trained hunter gerbils pick the delicate creatures out of the marshes, whistle for assistance and make it back to dry land by clinging to a tiny rope ladder suspended from a helicopter. In this way it is possible to harvest almost thirty marshmallows a day.

Aha, so thats how it is done Projoy. In North America, [we do it differently of course] the choicest marshmallows are not farmed as they are captured from the wild. In southeast Alabama for example, it is possible to acquire as many as sixteen in one outing by startling a jackalope [i.e. antlered marsh hare] through a canebrake and then bringing it down with a highpowered rifle or slingshot. Not only are the marshmallows of a superior size but they come pre-mounted on antlers that [once sawed free] can be used to roast the tasty varmints. Harvest is tempered however, by the recent legislation of a one jackalope per season per person game law.

The Queen, as is well known, never goes to the toilet, but less well known is the reason, which is that she only has one buttock.

Princess Diana knew her marriage was a sham when she caught Charles cross dressing in one of Camilla's ballgowns.

My grandmother was a lighthouse keeper because she would never do any heavy dusting or polishing..