My Human Resources Department at work have all been issued with personnel stereos.

Somewhere in the lonely streets of Minsk a man with a spade in his head is beating up a victim with a large coffee cup. Could this be another case for Attila the Pun?

I have been asked to make an official statement of apology by my solicitors after finding out that there is, in fact, a gentleman in Minsk who is now suffering severe injuries from an attack of the above nature. I am sorry if my remarks seemed tactless.

Whilst I would like to echo the sentiments of ZK, I cannot. I have never libelled, slandered, demeaned or snubbed any person during my visit to this planet.

Mike Oldfield seldom talks about his first album, Cubular Bells, as it's generally regarded as a bit square (although a solid piece of work).

I'm so embarrassed! I've been duped by a salesman into buying a rubber replica mobile phone. What is worse is that he has also replaced my entire family with rubber replicas too. Still, at least they are ‘bendy’.

Cindy is the word Americans use for sweat.

Bread sticks, are actually made form 50 year old oak twigs!

Twiglets. No more to add.

After years of slavish work, Jane Brucker has finally been awarded a ten-album record contract.

Marshmallows are mostly farmed in the Norfolk Broads. Specially trained hunter gerbils pick the delicate creatures out of the marshes, whistle for assistance and make it back to dry land by clinging to a tiny rope ladder suspended from a helicopter. In this way it is possible to harvest almost thirty marshmallows a day.