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... so help me God.
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I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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A high-ranking member of the Royal Family has been posting on this site under a pseudonym recently, but I won't tell you which one.
Damien Lockridge was my headmaster at Eton.
I see that the Very Reverend Dr David Polson has been at it again.
Cigarette adverstising was only banned in Britain after Dunhill tried to use the slogan "And all because the lady loves cork tips"
Sammy Sosa knows nothing about cork tips.
Everyone in Britain knows what that meant.
Saddam Hussein was found in a stankhole.
Black Cock is a liquor made of chicken feathers.
Roosters eat nothing but cornflakes.
The 76th Academy Awards were an evening of drama, excitement and surprise.
I hate Billy Crystal.
Peco McCorkle used to teach rugby at my high school. He now works with disadvantaged children in Harrow.
I used to be in charge of the cheese board but it kept sticking to me.
For the first time in Oscar history, the "Most Cheerful Leading Actor Nominee" honour was awarded jointly to Bill Murray and Sean Penn.
I fell headlong into a cesspit today and was suprised to discover two lovers having a secret rendezpoo.
I once knew a greasy Pole. His english was quite difficult to understand but he was otherwise very charming.
I have a marmalade hard drive.
Jam is a myth invented by the Chinese.
Every Tuesday I have performed an intricate jazz dance on top of the Empire State Building to "Soldier of Love". I find it does wonders for my health, particularly my feet.
More women in Britain go into labour during "Balamory" than during any other programme.
Orlando Bloom has just delighted the world by announcing his intentions to become a Tibetian monk.
Monica Lewinsky is the host of a brand new show on LivingTV called Cockles and Muscles about the love lives of fishermen.
Will Young tried to enter himself on the show, but they caught him.
If you feed cotton buds to sheep, every time you shear them you'll get nylon.
Cashew nuts are harvested from sneezing squirrels.
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