Tragically, King Midas was actually allergic to gold.

As this is post number 3,594,588,409,425, I qualify for a free choice from the sweet-trolley and the undivided attention of Natalie Imbruglia.

Natalie Imbruglia recently married Des Lynam.

It is not galling to risk life and limb in the middle of the night by walking through Birmingham to buy fruit and finding on arrival that the 24-hour Tesco Express is closed for renovation. Oh no. When one is having a fruit crisis, this is very amusing, in fact.

I got it wrong - my previous post was number 3,594,588,409,422. I'd included two impostors and a simulpost. This is post 3,594,588,409,425, but as I've posted twice in the last four moves it means I only qualify for a bag of pork scratchings and a rub-down by Phil Jupitus in dress.

[Btd] I'd like to see that.

I wear Gor'blimey trousers and live in a council flat.

Gor'blimey trousers are made of lime.

Gor'blimey running shorts are made of quicklime.

Gor'blimey plumbers overalls are made of limescale.

Limes can not only be grown in the underpants and all down the legs, as is traditional, but also in the armpits and, if you're careful, between the teeth.