I once shared my Frosties with Angus Deayton, which was a very peculiar experience. All I remember of it now is the sudden appearance of Tom Parker-Bowles wearing nothing but an iguana, which promptly had its head eaten off by Ozzy Osbourne. All parties concerned have reliably informed me this was true, even the iguana. I found that just plain confusing.

Iguanas are often mistaken for small children and adopted by childless couples in Guam.

So was I, once.

I invented the letter X. I had some help from Al Gore, but he could only come up with the letter Z. Meanwhile, the Republicans invented W.

The parcel shelf in John Prescott's 2nd Jag is made from strips of human skin flayed from Peter Mandelson's back using a steel whip.

I invented the letter ð, but only the Icelanders were brave enough to use it.

Dutch was invented by an Austrian chef with a severe head-cold.