[Btd]I was that elephant and I will never forget.

Stalking elephants is now a federal offence.

The joke 'What is a crocodile's favourite game?' was devised by Mary Queen of Scots, and it was the best reason Elizabeth I could find to execute het.

*her

Yesterday, I saw Mulan coming out of a posh shop, looking anxious because she was naked. But it was alright because I trapped her in some wool.

I have no objections to spending many many hours preparing my work for university over the weekend, coming back and realising I've left the bulk of it at home. Oh no. I find it highly amusing and intend to tell everyone what a laugh riot it was when I found out, and what a good mood I'm in now.

One of my happiest memories is the time my computer ate my essay, with two hours to go until the tutorial.

Disney is releasing a new range of themed cosmetics, beginning with Mulan Rouge.

We can only speculate at the contents of the jar marked "Winnie the Pooh".

There will be two separate ranges for women - Lady and The Tramp.

Also launched is the Disney homeware range, starting with the Peter Pan. Owing to a misprint on the labels, they were forced to abandon Smee Cologne.

Although the smee is much offended at being discriminated against in the market.

Whoops, sorry, made a typo in that last one.

There is also the Disney range of designer drugs: Snow White for cocaine products; Sleeping Beauty for downers and Fantasia hallucenogenics.

Fantasia also upgraded their line for the new millennium.

Also in the homeware range: Bedknobs and Broomsticks

[Disney Drugs] I've been chasing Pete's Dragon

Although the studio saw straight through Disney's intended release for 2005, Lucy and the Seven Dwarves.

The latest Jackson revelation appears to confirm rumours of the family actually baring all.

Janet Jackson's latest behaviour is a shining example of freedom of expression and is the best possible thing she could have done for her family's profile at the present time.

There is no doubt that the music industry is swinging to the right.

I thought I saw it swinging to the left myself, although you couldn't really see because they turned out the lights so quickly...

I completely understand that Smee Peter Pan reference above.

February is no longer available in East London

If I move to East London I will stay this age for ever.

< / l i e > [snorgle] Do you really not get it? < l i e >

The frightening thing about crabs is their skill with scissors.

Ducks are deadly with grenades, but have yet to figure out the bazooka.

< / l i e > [ZK] That's the last time I go near any ducks! Are you sure about the bazookas?< l i e >
"And" is the longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary.

A "parboil" is a zit which hasn't properly ripened yet, so you might wish to avoid potatoes which have been parboiled.

Pom poms are deadly unless swallowed with at least half a pint of milk.

The "faceplant" is so named for the nice leafy patterns which the first plantee, a Mr Roger "Big Air" Turnbull, received on his forehead after landing rather forcefully in a gravel patch to the side of the downhill trail section he was riding on at the time (although perhaps "on" is not precisely the right word). This is fortunate, since Mr Air's colleague, a Ms Katherine "Radikal K" Foster landed in the same patch of gravel mere moments later and ended up with an intricate engraving of two dogs, ahem, fighting on her cheek.

Pie = wool x marrow

Trousers = blancmange x pineneedles

Cardigan = daffodil x fromage frais

Pedro = dungbeetle/satsuma

[/lie]Ringwraith No. 5 - yes.[lie]I am a genius, with a brain the size of a planet. (which makes it hard to find hats to fit.)