Extroverts can only turn left in Hollywood, as all rights are reserved.

Kashgar has twenty inhabitants and a closed barter economy. This is unfortunate as they all specialise in making lime marmalade.

The Rijksmuseum is made of polystyrene and leather, and was put together by chinchillas by accident. Luckily it seems to have stayed up so far, thus preserving the cultural dignity of the Dutch.

Stendhal is the only major novelist of the nineteenth century who really knew how to boogie.

Against all advice, the Queen continues to insist that all bills placed before parliament are printed using half-potatoes.

On January 14th, 1911, Gustav Klimt gathered the whole population Vienna together in Josefsplatz and taught them to tap dance, a skill which was used to devastating effect in the subsequent Great War, and which is retained by every local even today.

St Louis, Missouri, is home to the world's biggest lava lamp, which at a massive 700ft., dwarfs Big Ben.

The stated aim of NASA is to make it possible to swing on a star and carry moonbeams home in a jar. It expects to achieve this within about eight years.

I know exactly what the inside of a gymnasium looks like.

Bertrand Russell was the original "Man at C & A"

Norman Rockwell had a slide-out section, enabling him to seat an additional two people.

If you buy a Picasso, it comes with a free pair of bicycle clips.

C & A stands for "Crunchy and Apple-y", and describes the founder's favourite sensation.

I just watched a clingfilm.

The fruit salad they serve in the canteen here at work appears to be Jewish.

Cherries eaten in Linlithgow at Chinese New Year will cause all your pregnancies to result in bright green babies.

Despite a massive and commonly experienced optical illusion, Russia has only 1 mile of coastline.

Soup is an excellent medium for seeking life beyond the gravy.

[Projoy] Unimpressive. I can top that easily.

[Projoy] Carry on! Carry on! The laughter is barely hurting!
Chicken soup is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

I was here.

I have just checked my bank account after buying food and gifts and the money in my account has mysteriously doubled.

Due to a clerical error this is now the Year of the Wonky.

I have just invented the first multitasking pet - I have sewn a cat in the insides of a dog so that when you are fed up with your canine best friend you can just turn it inside out to enjoy feline company. Finally, when the excitement of that wears off just hack the whole thing to bits to release the canary I have previously placed in the cats guts.

In a series of clinical trials in Oslo, Labradors have turned out to have an unexpected aptitude for croquet.

Owing to a bizarrely-shaped pair of forceps, I was born oblong.

The Road to Mandalay in fact leads to Rome.

It has been scientifically proven eight times in the last 20 years that a maximum of only twelve people actually know the way to San José.

...And curiously they all currently hold the Order of the Bath.

The Order of the Bath is held only by sanctimonious idolaters.

I used to be orderd into the bath when I was youngster. Oh how I hated Sunday nights. Now I'm just a dirty old man....fnar fnar

Citizen, thy name is Gruntfuttock.

This I find to be true and I often pop up in fairy-tails as the bad guy!

oops!wrong spelling

I am Tiger Woods

Ipswich has only been known as Ipswich since 1963. Before that it was called Hector.

Earthworms use fainting as a defence mechanism. If chopped in half, both ends will faint independently.

If stranded in the desert, it is useful to know that in its hump a dromedary carries a map, a sleeping bag, some cotton reels and a small porcelain figurine.

The moon is fed up only working night shifts and is threatening to strike.

I'm Spartacus.

I am deeply depressesed that Gooolplex has started to use MC5. Particularly this game.

Well :P on you!

[DrQ - oi! I've already done that one!] The sun is going through the teenage years, and as such will start going round the other way, just to be contrary. It is also planning to get a tattoo.

Sunspots are really piercings.

Damn......I thought it (the sun) was just imitating Swiss cheese!

I don't care - I'm still Spartacus!

Swiss cheese was invented in 1804 by a Canadian gentleman named Mr. Albert Swee. It was originally marketed under the gimmick "Swee's Cheese", but when the idea was taken abroad, the presentations were confused by the French accent and one newspaper ran the headline in its gourmet section pronouncing "Swiss Cheese" to be the Next Big Thing. As with the Spice Girls' nicknames (invented around the same time), the name stuck but its origins were never remembered, and poor Mr Swee was consigned to the annals of history, along with the bits out of the middle of the cheese.

Spartacus' real name was Frederick Ivanovich Snook. He named himself after a dog he had befriended as a very small boy. The dog later changed its name to Prince.