I once discoverd a herd of miniture Highland cattle wandering around inside my bread bin. It was some time later that I found out I had sprinkled my chips with Benilyn instead of vinegar!

An uncooked turkey neck will, if left in the back of the refrigerator for three to four months, turn into a live squirrel. These squirrels are quite content to remain in their refrigerator habitat, provided you give them a scarf and four tiny mittens. Of course, you must also allow them the run of the vegetable and fruit drawer.

Alligators are always the first to colloborate with any repressive government or foreign occupier.

The land of Italy is actually entirely populated by ladybirds. They are masters of disguise.

But Sicily was taken over in the 1970s by revolutionary aphids. The Fanatical Aphid Radical Triumvirate has ruled the island ever since.

This is quite serious as the F.A.R.T., whilst somewhat on-the-nose to many, is more than just a lot of hot air.

Whilst my armchairs are stuffed with horsehair, my sofa contains the rest of the animal, which makes it slightly unpleasant to sit on in the summer months.

The Queen owns just 66% of the land in the UK. The remainder is owned by Noele Gordon.

I'm going to pass my exams (exam stress bock declared.)