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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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[Angus} A motherboard is a traditional flat plank of wood that an honoured family elder is laid upon when they pass out after too much sherry, and a heatsink is simply a combination of a radiator and a sink, to gently dry dishes, keep washing up water hot and stop that nasty cold metal sensation you get when touching, er, cold metal. But then you knew that, as you said.
heatsink what happens when young men chew the ends of biros??
Mrs Biro is a masochist.
Only three more shopping days until Christmas!
My New Year's resolution is to make one new resolution every day.
My New Year's resolution is to re-use the Old Year, it's perfectly serviceable, albeit slightly wrinkled..
Over the last year I have accumulated a significant number of wrinkles: I love 'em all.
wrinkles a place to store much loved fluff
My New Year's resolution is to never play this game again.
I am looking forward to a full and productive working day today.
My New Year's resolution is to become Prime Minister and get rid of this Margaret Thatcher fellow
I have deliberately boiled soup to impair the flavour on three occasions, the last time as part of my millennium celebrations.
I have never eaten soup
I am NOT going to resit the first year of my degree.
Frank Sinatra played the bebop triangle before learning to sing in English.
Elvis is dead
Then I wonder how I've been communicating with him.
Elvis communicates through pork chops.
You lyin' get! I don't believe you. In any case, I'm here to tell you that I've been appointed to the task of choosing the ladies for next year's Pirelli Calendar. Any suggestions, while I hear the likes of Rosie et al, seething with jealousy?
In every Pirelli calendar, one of the models is actually a female impersonator.
Our local national football (soccer to some) team did a 'nude' calendar; they were awful!
Err, ladies football team. *embarrassed flush*
In every female impersonators calender, one of the models is actually a Pirelli impersonator
I tire of hearing about Pirelli impersonators, Angus, but it sounds like you're on a roll. Here's a true story though, I swear. The other day I ordered a twelve inch Marguerita with thin topping, and it was delivered by a welshman with a receding hairline. That's what you get for ringing Dai Allopecia.
There are a GREAT deal of attractive people in Bath.
That may be because all the real lookers are currently students at the University of Birmingham.
I have learnt all my lines and am not the least concerned that we have less than 8 weeks to opening night
I have a large part.
there will be no more fires on Brighton Pier
Britney Spiers doesn't regret at all her drunken night in Vegas.
The University of Bath is well thought out with little bureaucracy and hardly any in-fighting (sorry I've not had a good day)
[nights] It sounds like they're a right shower (oblig.)
I have a right shower in my bathroom, and a wrong one next to my computer and radio.
[Dunx] I get that a lot, from old friends who say 'you're studying where?'

It's amusing and entertaining when lecturers don't tell you they're cancelling a lecture.
I have both a right shower and a left shower. This saves time and water in the mornings, as if one side of me is clean I only need shower the other side.
the merger of the Probation and Prison Service will finally eliminate all offending behaviour as we know it; to the extent that people will no longer blabber on pointlessly to eachother in shop doorways just as you are trying to exit/enter (delete as applicable) in stylish haste.
The further merger with the Education Dept will also get rid of all those annoying brats that shriek in cinemas during the slow bits.
slurgywuggle wuggle gumdrops I'M pissing bord
la la la la la de fucking da
Most human beings are intelligent and articulate.
most of the people using mc5 know precisely what they are doing.
I'm a pissing bard.
I've just invented the pissing board, a removable teflon sheet to catch what misses the urinal.
[Tuj] < / l i e > Patent that idea now! You'll make a fortune!
My dog is a quiet little angel, who is not, at this very minute, barking at the front door for no reason.
I am trying to get to sleep
I am not worried about my 15-year-old cat who is sort of ill right now.
15-year-old cats are in the prime of life and any illness is due to mistreatment by their carers! I hope s/he's all right, Tina - I lost my 17-year-olds a year or two ago)
< /l i e> Yes, everyone think happy thoughts to Tina's cat
Fly-by-night forumla one driver Jensen Button will always be much better known for his resmeblance to Benjamin Disraeli than for winning the world championship 9 times in a row.
/lie: happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Lectures on Fascism in Interwar Europe are fascinating!
All carpets taste of vanilla.
Agh! nights forgot to reset the lie! That means that all carpets really DO taste of vanilla!
[snorgle] Mine does, does yours not?
I'm the King of Scotland.
I'm not the King of Wales (but I do have a merit badge anarchy!)
oops "in"
I am Humphrey Lyttelton
sorry all, my bad. guess that means the fascism lectures really were interesting. I wouldn't know - you can't hear from the next lecture hall along.
[Angus] Now, now, everyone here knows you're not.
If I could swivel my knee cap through 180 deg's I could kick myself in the head and save the muggers some time and effort!!
Alright, I admit it. I'm Graeme Garden.
I've been to the office every day this week.
In Septober I shall be jetting of to the sunny island of Majolica!
Ladies, please stop being so eager to express yourselves in public using flatulence.
I am not going to spend silly amounts of money in Bristol today.
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