I have a right shower in my bathroom, and a wrong one next to my computer and radio.

[Dunx] I get that a lot, from old friends who say 'you're studying where?'

It's amusing and entertaining when lecturers don't tell you they're cancelling a lecture.

I have both a right shower and a left shower. This saves time and water in the mornings, as if one side of me is clean I only need shower the other side.

the merger of the Probation and Prison Service will finally eliminate all offending behaviour as we know it; to the extent that people will no longer blabber on pointlessly to eachother in shop doorways just as you are trying to exit/enter (delete as applicable) in stylish haste.

The further merger with the Education Dept will also get rid of all those annoying brats that shriek in cinemas during the slow bits.

slurgywuggle wuggle gumdrops I'M pissing bord

la la la la la de fucking da

Most human beings are intelligent and articulate.

most of the people using mc5 know precisely what they are doing.

I'm a pissing bard.

I've just invented the pissing board, a removable teflon sheet to catch what misses the urinal.

[Tuj] < / l i e > Patent that idea now! You'll make a fortune!

My dog is a quiet little angel, who is not, at this very minute, barking at the front door for no reason.

I am trying to get to sleep

I am not worried about my 15-year-old cat who is sort of ill right now.

15-year-old cats are in the prime of life and any illness is due to mistreatment by their carers! I hope s/he's all right, Tina - I lost my 17-year-olds a year or two ago)

< /l i e> Yes, everyone think happy thoughts to Tina's cat

Fly-by-night forumla one driver Jensen Button will always be much better known for his resmeblance to Benjamin Disraeli than for winning the world championship 9 times in a row.

/lie: happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Lectures on Fascism in Interwar Europe are fascinating!

All carpets taste of vanilla.

Agh! nights forgot to reset the lie! That means that all carpets really DO taste of vanilla!