Then I wonder how I've been communicating with him.

Elvis communicates through pork chops.

You lyin' get! I don't believe you. In any case, I'm here to tell you that I've been appointed to the task of choosing the ladies for next year's Pirelli Calendar. Any suggestions, while I hear the likes of Rosie et al, seething with jealousy?

In every Pirelli calendar, one of the models is actually a female impersonator.

Our local national football (soccer to some) team did a 'nude' calendar; they were awful!

Err, ladies football team. *embarrassed flush*

In every female impersonators calender, one of the models is actually a Pirelli impersonator

I tire of hearing about Pirelli impersonators, Angus, but it sounds like you're on a roll. Here's a true story though, I swear. The other day I ordered a twelve inch Marguerita with thin topping, and it was delivered by a welshman with a receding hairline. That's what you get for ringing Dai Allopecia.

There are a GREAT deal of attractive people in Bath.

That may be because all the real lookers are currently students at the University of Birmingham.

I have learnt all my lines and am not the least concerned that we have less than 8 weeks to opening night