I was going to have Turkey for dinner but I don't think I've got enough chairs.

[plump - brilliant!] I was going to have Cher for dinner but I don't think I've got enough turkeys.

I was wandering through the wilderness in North America some years ago now on one of my naturist breaks, but I am very worried as I have a serious body hair problem about which I am very sensitive, and I have just heard that video footage of me had been in circulation for some time now. I want all copies recalled, and I object strongly to the names I have been called. I would also like to apologise to anyone who caught sight of me in a similar fashion in the Himalayas, or skinny-dipping in the Scottish Highlands, and for any undue distress it may have caused. Oh, and if my habit of practicing with my luminous frisbees at night has brought about any annoyance, I express my sincerest regrets for that too. And Mr Presley also sends his humblest apologies.

[ZK] What about Lord Lucan?

[LotUS] Currently alive, well, and manning the fries in a McDonalds in Greater Manchester.

[ZK] Thanks for letting me and Amelia stick around your place for a while, but we've got to head to Osama's pad for a while.

People called Alan are 10 times more likely than people called Brian.

[Jimmy] I hear that the US army are getting ever closer to tracking him down.

FG] Daves are irregular, Garys are possible but Keiths are definite.