It might be my age (well matured by the cask) but in my case gropes are totally out of the question.

Santas workshop has been closed down under elfin safety legislation.

Apparently Santa has a little sideline in quality venison.

Children who've been naughty get coke. Neat, huh?

Diluted, usually.

After their recent merger, Santa Incorporated has requested that all wish-lists be filed in triplicate, no later than November first. Shipping will be provided by FedEx.

He's been merged with the National Elf Service