Flourescent lightbulbs are filled with fairies. Electrocution causes them to light up.

Actually, electricity is caused by tiny hamsters running very very fast. Fuses therefore consist of tiny bridges - if too many hamsters try to cross the bridge at any one time, the bridge breaks and no current flows.

I am much enjoying my carbonated pork drink as I read this game.

The stock market is a lie. If a billion shares are sold, then a billion must also be bought. Therefore, the Dow Jones is just a fantasy perpetrated by gamblers in Las Vegas who bet on the activities of the gullable public.

The gullable public are those persons who take bits of bread to the seaside and then feed the local birds in order to get the latest mews.

[carbonated pork drink] </lie> Jones Soda (a U.S. brand, dunno if you can get it in the U.K.) put out a Turkey & Gravy flavor for Thanksgiving. Not unexpectedly, it's pretty awful. <lie>

I'm busy, busy, busy as a bee, bee, bee.

I love driving to work in the snow, especially before the sun comes up. It's what I do to relax. When I'm stuck in a ditch, I'm at peace with the world.

I have grown my own house out of mushrooms and am going to spend my retirement living there and eating it, with the bathroom last.

After I went on the Adkins diet, I built a house out of the contents of pasta boxes in my cupboard.

I once crafted a 1:1 scale model of the Eiffel Tower entirely out of toothpicks, but a big bad wolf came and blew it down.

I've got a full-scale portrait of Herve Villechaize tattooed on my back.

I'm not too happy about the government’s 'Five-a-day' campaign. I can only just manage twice, and then I need a cup of malted milk and two hours rest in between.