"Hey diddle diddle" was actually penned by William Shakespeare at the age of 17. In Tudor times, the pornographic content of this ditty was considered so great that he was banned from 10 different counties, and was a great court favourite.

Fondant Fancies have corresponding dimples in their underside to allow them to be stacked hight without fear of falling over.

I am currently listening to a song that has nothing to do with Christmas or the Wombles.

Christmas cannot be getting earlier each year as none of the shops start trying to sell tinsel before the beginning of December.

As usual, the chat room last night was full of nothing but tiresome old puns.

A loaf of bread strike has just begun in Derbyshire, with all members of the Loaves, Bloomers and Rolls Union downing crumbs and walking out of breadbins to join sad, defenceless and rather short-lived picket lines on a main road in Matlock.

I've been in fine lying form lately.

Catnip was invented by time travelling mice in the year 3416 and was inserted into the timeline as a practical joke on their archrivals the cats. Unfortunately the joke backfired when lack of evolutionary pressure from the stoned cats no longer chasing mice meant that mice never developed opposable thumbs or intelligence.

There are in fact three sides to every story, but no one listens after the first two.