Miss Muffet has been undergoing counseling for her arachophobia. It's been some success, but she still does not like spiders to sit down beside her. She's also off whey.

arachnophobia, sorry.

Tommy Thin was finally jailed this morning on grounds of animal cruelty.

Georgy Porgy has had a legal class action suit filed against him for sexual harassment.

The visual and anecdotal evidence in Mrs Jack Sprat's case clearly indicated an early diagnosis of Hyperlipidemia, possibly genetic, but more likely environmental, with all the attendant classic risk factors (arteriosclerosis, thrombosis, diabetes, stroke etc). Initial treatments recommended: folic acid (to reduce Homocysteine levels), lifestyle changes (more exercise), treatment with HMG-CoA reductase inhibitors (to be carefully monitored) and divorce.

Kim's unequivocal evidence shows that nursery rhymes should be banned from all schools, shopping centres, libraries and pubs which serve children. O'ill 'ave moin in ba'er, Guv!

"Hey diddle diddle" was actually penned by William Shakespeare at the age of 17. In Tudor times, the pornographic content of this ditty was considered so great that he was banned from 10 different counties, and was a great court favourite.

Fondant Fancies have corresponding dimples in their underside to allow them to be stacked hight without fear of falling over.

I am currently listening to a song that has nothing to do with Christmas or the Wombles.

Christmas cannot be getting earlier each year as none of the shops start trying to sell tinsel before the beginning of December.

As usual, the chat room last night was full of nothing but tiresome old puns.

A loaf of bread strike has just begun in Derbyshire, with all members of the Loaves, Bloomers and Rolls Union downing crumbs and walking out of breadbins to join sad, defenceless and rather short-lived picket lines on a main road in Matlock.

I've been in fine lying form lately.