I was arrested by a copper pencil yesterday. I was driving too hard on the B6.

The Parkway East in Pittsburgh, much like the M25, is a marvel of modern transportation and drivers should slow down to 15MPH to sufficiently take in its beauty and efficiency.

Americans understand the metric system really. They're just having us on.

Everyone over 75 in the UK really understands decimal currency, and the Europeans invented the single currency in the hope that it would eventually reach Britain and confuse all the pensioners.

Euros do not look suspiciously like francs used to.

I thought I saw a Polecat the other day, but when I asked, he said he was from Russia.

It is not at all suspicious that there is only one chain of shops in Britain still selling chocolate coins depicting our own currency.