I used to have a job performing ultrasounds on expectant mothers to determine the sex of their babies. For some reason, the mothers never seemed happy with my work. I don't know what those women were expecting!

I too apprenticed as a plumber, but my career went down the drain.

I tried to work as a plumber, but I didn't want to faucet.

Amazing: so did I - I was hopeless though and, inevitably and not unexpectedly, they gave me the elbow.

I used to market sporting equipment to the hockey community. When I approached the football authorities for a similar position they gave me the boot: they claimed I had unrealistic goals.

[Dujon] Did they tell you to puck off?
My last effort at holding down a job was as an assistant to an optician. It was going OK, but then I was framed.

[Dunx] No, but my old colleagues didn't half give me some stick!
After that I tried being an electrical salesman. That only lasted until the company found I didn't have the proper connections.

I quickly moved to flogging fridge magnets, but it wasn't really my field.

From there it was to electrical componentry, but customer resistance was high and, anyway, I found I just didn't have the necessary capacity.