mc5 - ... so help me God.

When I was in kennels, the company went broke and had to call in the retrievers.

I auditioned for the starring role in a documentary on a American quarterback-turned-politician, but I was rejected because of my un-Kemp appearence.

penelope

I used to be a dustman, but the job was rubbish.

penelope

Then I became a chef, but the job wasn't all it was cooked up to be.

penelope

[BtD] When I worked in kennels, I made such a mess of things they told me to go take a long walk.

penelope

Then I joined an athletics club, but I was so terrible at the field events, they told me to go take a running jump.

DrQu+xum

Back in high school, I was on the cross-country team until I was given my walking papers.

Tuj

None of the above were hilarious. I hate them all. They are not classic online Mornington Crescent.
I used to work in a glue factory, but I couldn't stick with it.

Tuj

On a similar line, I applied to be a lumberjack, but I just didn't cut it.