mc5 - ... so help me God.

snorgle

Hairbrushes, if left uncleaned, eventually develop into hedgehogs.

Dujon

As a mark of respect to Mr.Milligan all hedgehogs are called Spike.

Z.K.

The Old English Sheepdog evolved from a prehistoric mop.

Angus Prune

A wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches

Bob the dog

Deep in the hallowed halls of Westminster, a small group of determined government frontbenchers plot the establishment of yet another organisation to consider a subject of public importance, but which is to be independent from the government. Could this be another job for Quango Prairie Dog?

Zooological Keeper

[AP] We really know our worth, the sun and I.

Zooological Keeper

I have nothing better to do.

Dunx

I can dance.

Tina

I once danced with Keanu Reeves, but kept falling on the ground when he would do the dip. He seemed to hover above the ground and I could not keep up with him.

Dujon

I love modern dancing - one doesn't have to snuggle up to one's partner.

Projoy

While sleeping I rise to a height of five hundred feet above sea level and slowly rotate above either Lincolnshire or Norfolk.

Boolbar

I have just given up being the centre of gravity. The job sucked.

Bob the dog

I have just lost my job as a pornstar. It was a blow.

Huxley

I have just given up being the rear spoiler on the McLaren F1 car... what a drag.

Angus Prune

I have just given up stalking. A better job follows.

Wol

I've just decided to drive my car off the road. It was a career choice.

Riff

I used to work at a potato-packing plant, but I got the sack.

Bob the dog

An Amazonian tribe has just recruited me. I was head hunted.

Bob the dog

Still it is better than the job I had as a experimental patient for trainee proctologists. That was a pain in the arse.

barbacoa

I hate being a lion trainer, it bites.

Zooological Keeper

I used to like being Emperor of Rome, until I got stabbed in the back.

blamelewis

I want to get out of the calendar printing business, I reckon my days are numbered...

Zooological Keeper

I tried to quit my job as a beefburger, but I was foiled.

Dunx

I used to love my job as a chip, because every day was fried day.

(Z.K.

foiled again!)

Tina

I worked in a peach orchard. It was the pits.

penelope

I was one of Santa's elves, but I got the sack.

Dujon

I used to be a butcher which, as you can imagine, was quite fulfilling - then they gave me the axe...

Tina

I made Spam, until they canned me.

Bob the dog

I worked so hard at being a lift attendant that they gave me a rise.

Riff

For a while I worked in a lingere shop, but they gave me the pink slip.

Boolbar

I used to put peas in tins, 44 per tin. One day I got my pea 45.

Wol

I used to be a ritual circumciser, but one day I slipped and got the sack.

Zooological Keeper

I used to be a train conductor, but resigned when I realised I was going nowhere.

Boolbar

I used to be a trapeze artist until I was dropped.

Tina

I studied to be a florist, but my career was nipped in the bud.

DrQu+xum

I once had a job in a towel factory, but the company folded.

Bob the dog

I used to work for Chidrens BBC in the 70's. I lost the job when I dropped a clanger.

Boolbar

I was going to be a historian, but realised that there was no future in it.

Zooological Keeper

I used to work in the Evian factory, but I lost my bottle.

Tina

Last summer I took up skydiving, but I didn't make it through the fall.