mc5 - ... so help me God.

US scientists have developed a form of highly explosive butterfly that is sexually attracted to heroin poppies.

Theodore Roosevelt was originally a door-to-door door salesman.

After ten years in the average family household, a carpet will have developed an IQ of 16.

Dandruff has a wicked temper; any accusations of not being able to hold its drink will really get its dander up.

Purple is the new purple.

Methane is so named in honour of the Laird of Meith, after the swamp gas in that region pledged eternal loyalty to his line for services rendered.

The Heiroglyphs on the walls of Tutankhamun's tomb read 'Danger, Low Ceiling'

I am the very model of a modern major-general.

I was once considered a model of a passe major general. It was in all the papers.

I am a mole and I live in a hole.

The contents of one's gutter, when left to ferment for up to a year, make an excellent hair-restorer.