Somewhere in the Andes is a small collective of white-faced, black-haired men who sacrifice sheep yearly to Ken Dodd.

In the course of investigating the powers of the Lord Chancellor, Whitehall officials have discovered that every sentence uttered in the precincts of Westminster should be concluded with the word "stush" or "wagwan".

I was not glad to be home from work today.

I was seventeenth in line to the Danish throne, but I renounced my claim to marry a bar of Dairy Milk.

[Tuj] I could believe that if you'd said Bourneville.

Light can only pass through glass which has been specially calibrated by frogs.

I'm a little teapot, although contrary to the stereotype I tend more to the tall and angular, and have no handle.

I don't have love handles - I have vole handlers. ... Squeak!

Tomorrow is not a holiday in the US, but I still have the day off anyway.