You bastard! *sobs*

Mars Bars were at one time believed to be made out of meteorites, however N.A.S.A. probes proved that this was not possible (see any conspiracy site for confirmation!)

I'm having an Internet relationship with a Snickers bar.

I met a Terry's Chocolate Orange on Blind Date, but she was too preoccupied with her figure and she had to go.

I once had a fivesome with some Kit Kats.

I'll mention nothing about my chocolate fingers.

I will mention even less about my sticky toffee fingers.

I once bought a box of dates for my chocolate.

The rumors about me and Lady Godiva are completely true.

I once did it with Twix.

You can do it when you M&M it.

Sadly, I only have a Fun-Sized Milky Way.

[BtD] Ah they're not called fun size for nothing [plump] not at all brilliant
I never tire of listening to ****** Riverdance on hold to the Apple Store UK. It's only surpassed by when they have Enya on loop instead.

My aunt has just changed her name by deed poll to "Horace the Marauding Oaf"

Somewhere in the Andes is a small collective of white-faced, black-haired men who sacrifice sheep yearly to Ken Dodd.

In the course of investigating the powers of the Lord Chancellor, Whitehall officials have discovered that every sentence uttered in the precincts of Westminster should be concluded with the word "stush" or "wagwan".