The year is not 2003. It never was and never will be, due to a clerical error at the printers.

Everyone in the UK looks up to, and admires the Royal Family. No-one believes that terrible rumour.

I started the rumour

Spam brings peace through joy

Ponds bring peace through koi.

As ZK undoubtedly knows, as zoos are built up over time by people receiving animals through the mail. Lions require A3 envelopes, but chimpanzees can be sent by freepost.

The Guardian newspaper is printed on recycled dwarves.