Noone typed this. In fact, I do not exist.

I did not type this. I do not own a keyboard, and have to enter words onto the computer by a process involving my brain, a set of jump leads and the scrotum of a passing snapping turtle.

Irony is made, ironically enough, from flakes of Alanis Morisette.

I have no hard drive. I have no memory. I am living in the 80's.

The 80's did not exist. They were just the 70's without bell bottoms.

I still wear flares.

I shot J.R.

And I shot the deputy.

The year is not 2003. It never was and never will be, due to a clerical error at the printers.

Everyone in the UK looks up to, and admires the Royal Family. No-one believes that terrible rumour.

I started the rumour