Hitler was just misunderstood

I have just received a four-page letter from George Bush asking my opinion about the war, the American economy, and Homeland Security.

On January 1st 2000, the town council of Lampshade, Montana unearthed a time capsule that had been buried beneath the City Hall on January 1st 1900. Inside were found an old newspaper, a buggy-whip, three old photographs, a bowler hat, and the entire cast of the 1998 German film Run Lola Run.
(Okay, it's a Lie of the Day, but it was my Lie of the Day.)

There is a place called Hell in Nebraska

The signpost on westbound OR-26 at the junction with highway 212 which points to "Boring Oregon City" is not even slightly amusing.

I can't afford to buy Tuj now. I can't think what to do with the spare one either.

I came home today mentally prepared to begin work and discovered to my surprise that I had already finished it during an idle hour last week.

All Liberal Democrats have a heartening vision of universal freedom, all Labour guys strive to improve the life of the common man and all Conservatives yearn to create a morally upstanding Britain. All voters want to help them.

It's your democratic duty to vote. If everyone voted, we would have a government that would be discernibly superior to the current one.

There is a place called Nebraska in Hell.

There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Bun.

Las Vegas is made entirely of dried macaroni and PVA glue

When a penguin is born it must immediately pass an examination in accountancy otherwise it will be forced to become a cormorant.

[pen] I feel safe...
Sawdust is actually a gas. Chemical symbol Sw, it reacts violently with bromine to produce spinach.

similarly, barbecue sauce is the result of a chemical reaction between potassium and shampoo.

Shampoo comes from the ancient Indian word meaning to smother with month-old brie

One can actually achieve a fine brie at home simply by putting a bottle of milk in a tumble dryer on hot for several days.

All things can be tumble dried

The indigenous population of commemorative plaques has been severely diminished by trophy hunters.

Somewhere in the Australian Bush, a man has faked his own death. Could this be a jobb for 'Insurance Fraud Kookabura'?

*job

I suspect that a kookaburra would not laugh at that suggetion.

'suggetion' s/b 'suggestion' - Ruddy 'eck, AP, it's catching!

Ann Widdecombe and Kylie Minogue are, in fact, the same person. (Have you ever seen them in the same room?)

The Tube map is actually at 1:1 scale. The tickets are soaked in a drug that, when absorbed into the skin, causes you to shrink drastically. Don't ever eat one, or you may not return to your proper size at the end of your journey!