Ian Duncan Smith is to be plasted into orbit, from where his head will reflect enough sunlight to reduce coldness of the polar night, thereby allowing the polar bears to stay up later and practice football.

s/plasted/blasted/

< lie=" this isn't a shameless crib from Carpe Diem" > The Jedi Gerbil Collective are on a mission to convert the entire meerkat population to Jedi-ism. < /lie >

I am not certifiable.

I feel great!

Buy me now, and get another free (while stocks last).

I have not just sat and read all of Bob the Dog's last post

Hitler was just misunderstood

I have just received a four-page letter from George Bush asking my opinion about the war, the American economy, and Homeland Security.

On January 1st 2000, the town council of Lampshade, Montana unearthed a time capsule that had been buried beneath the City Hall on January 1st 1900. Inside were found an old newspaper, a buggy-whip, three old photographs, a bowler hat, and the entire cast of the 1998 German film Run Lola Run.
(Okay, it's a Lie of the Day, but it was my Lie of the Day.)

There is a place called Hell in Nebraska

The signpost on westbound OR-26 at the junction with highway 212 which points to "Boring Oregon City" is not even slightly amusing.

I can't afford to buy Tuj now. I can't think what to do with the spare one either.

I came home today mentally prepared to begin work and discovered to my surprise that I had already finished it during an idle hour last week.

All Liberal Democrats have a heartening vision of universal freedom, all Labour guys strive to improve the life of the common man and all Conservatives yearn to create a morally upstanding Britain. All voters want to help them.

It's your democratic duty to vote. If everyone voted, we would have a government that would be discernibly superior to the current one.

There is a place called Nebraska in Hell.

There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Bun.

Las Vegas is made entirely of dried macaroni and PVA glue

When a penguin is born it must immediately pass an examination in accountancy otherwise it will be forced to become a cormorant.

[pen] I feel safe...
Sawdust is actually a gas. Chemical symbol Sw, it reacts violently with bromine to produce spinach.