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Ex Libri Bardus
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Summarise a novel you have read in one sentence. Extra points for smugness, pretentiousness, sarcasm and double back-flips. Ending move as standard.
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The Jungle Book
Just the bear necessities.
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
It would never catch on as a package holiday.
Les Misérables
Miserable.
Moby Dick
Ahab versus the Prince of Whales
Bleak House
Its all in the title.
The Time Traveller's Wife
Boy meets girl who has already met him.
Robinson Crusoe
Thank God it's Friday.
The Wind in the Willows
No flatulence remedies to be found within.
Lady Chatterly's Lover
Servant gets in the sack before getting the sack.
Wisden's Cricketers' Almanack
For the boring man in your life.
Tale of Two Cities
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
The 39 Steps
Lucky bastard starts war.
The Horse Whisperer
Bumpkin solves townies' horse (and other) problems.
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
Nitpicker's of the World Unite!
How Green Was My Valley
Love among the slag heaps.
The God Delusion
I'm the only infallible one, says Dawkins.
On The Beach
Everyone in the whole world dies, except for the unfortunate reader.
The Tomas Covenant Novels
Leperous.
The Malloreon
If you liked the Belgariad, this is exactly the same.
Ender's Game
It's not a game.
catch 22
comme ce, comme sa
the satanic verse
plane crashes are harsh
the world atlas
here, there and everywhere.
oliver twist
it will turn out ok as long as you want more
naked lunch
aliens come in baggies
waiting for godot
he's not coming is he?
Waiting For Godot
[speed] OK - but it doesn't beat the genuine description - 'A play in which nothing happens - twice.'
A Scanner Darkly
Who's asking?
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Carnival folk. Distrust them.
The Silver Locusts/The Martian Chronicles
The case for vaccination.
Das Boot
The North Atlantic Ocean in winter is cold and wet.
Iron Coffins
If you ride around in a U-Boat during WWII, the RAF will shoot at you.
The Day The Earth Stood Still
I felt the Earth move.
The War of the Worlds
If you're going to travel abroad, get your shots.
Barbarella
In space, no-one can hear you cream.
Njial's Saga
No-one gets on with the neighbours in Iceland.
The Story of O
Heroine leaves her abusive lover who hits her with a riding crop a lot for the arms of a saviour, who pokes her in the bottom with a red-hot branding iron, then hits her with a riding crop a lot.
That last one could do with cropping.
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
Not Caesar's salad days.
The Naked Lunch
Orgone slick with feverjuice in wildcut edit backfold.
My Family And Other Animals
A Humane Zoo.
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