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Ooops! Time to change career?
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Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
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Time for a new career?
[IS,P] Is that a question or a valid move?
[UK] Yes.
[IS,P!] Whatever comes to hand, although if I'm buying a newspaper (very rare occurence) it would be the Daily Telegraph. I also happened to be watching the award ceremony when Mr Clary made said comment, and I pretty much p*ssed myself laughing.
Recap: We have had Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope and Prime Minister. How about
Taxi Driver
Where are we, guv?
Well, I could drive you all round the houses and charge a tenner, but you don't need a taxi, it's actually just a five minute walk straight down this road.
Y'know... I've never actually had anyone famous in the back of the cab...
Sorry about the bumpy ride, I'm just nervous about my driving test coming up tomorrow. Failed three times already.
Are you lookin' at me? (oblig.)
Do you mind drivin, guv? I'm too pissed.
Allahu Akbar! oblig
"I've been expecting you, Mr Bond..." *presses large red button*
"The knowledge? What's that,guv?"
Could you read the street signs for me pal, I can't make out a thing past the road itself with these nasty cataracts.
Sorry, I'll have to pull over for a few minutes while I have a grand mal seizure.
Richard Hammond. Pleased to meet you.
Fred Flintstone. Pleased to meet you, now get those legs pumping. Yabba Dabba Dooo!
Quick! The cops are after me, let's get outta here!
Just grab hold of this anchor - I've got no brakes.
"Not got much of an opinion on that either way"
The glass partition slides open to reveal a set of pearly enamels smiling back at you from the rearview mirror: "Chance meeting good fellow, my name is Mephistopheles and I will be your chauffeur for this evening. As you may have unsettlingly observed, the doors to this cab cannot be opened from the inside. There will be no exiting the cab nor unscheduled stops or detours until we have reached your destination. We at Pay The Piper Cab Co strive to make your trip a memorable one. We accept no plea bargains, gratuities or bribery. In fact your money is no good to us, as your fare has been prepaid VIP, nonstop to Hades, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."
"London Airport, guv? Sorry mate, but my shift's nearly up and I live in Hackney."
In the pouch in front of you there's a bag of dog biscuits, can you just give one to my guide dog? Thanks.
You could describe my political views as leftish-liberal.
The kids are all right.
When I started to drive, you didn't need a licence.
It's really not worth it, mate, it's only round the corner. You could walk it.
Follow which car? Sorry, I wasn't really looking.
Take a mini-cab, mate, much cheaper and a better service.
Half-price if you sit on my lap dearie.
No, you just pay me what you think is fair, OK?
We certainly do take credit cards.
"Heyyyy mannnnn, wanna toke on my joint?"
"It's amazing how courteous other drivers are, and I never cease to be amazed at the quality of driving."
"Here - let me open the door for you."
[Rosie] Shurely 'middle-of-the-road'
"Are we nearly there, yet?"
Tip? Sorry mate, can't accept that, the Inland Revenue rules you know.
"S'cuse me sir, have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?"
"Can we stop a minute? I'm desperate for a pee."
I'd love to drive you to your destination, sir, but I'm worried about my carbon footprint.
"I really don't have an opinion either way on that."
[Kim] Almost as good as nfras' "Not got much of an opinion on that either way"
South of the River? This time of night? Sure thing.
A ride for a ride?
Outer Mongolia? Hold on while I call in to get a price for that.
"You'll have to get out here madame, this back alley is as far as I can drive until the court removes my ankle bracelet."
"Better out than in eh? Don't worry about it though, I'll clean that off the upholstery in a jiffy"
Have you ever thought that a taxi ride is a metaphor for life? You're in the hands of a total stranger (that's me, God), and once you get in, it's like being born into life, you've no control over where it goes, oh, you can say "Take me to the Hilton" just like you can say "I'm going to be the next Bill Gates", but no-one's going to pay any attention, and you can't get out, even if you could force the locks on the doors we're doing over 100 so what are you going to do, jump? And at the end of life...there is DEATH!!
Time for a change? So far we have had:
Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope, Prime Minister and Taxi Driver.
Please put an <hr> before the category title and make it bold and/or colourful as you desire. Feel free to ignore the suggestion if you have more to offer in this category!
DVD Store Salesperson
I would just like to say that, having read his last post, I never want accept a lift in Raak's car...
So I take it you've never heard of bittorrent then?
DVD's are rubbish, everyone knows that. For real quality you can't beat a videocassette, the colours are so much richer, and they don't wear out, not if you treat them properly. DVD's, you can get fingerprints and cat pee all over them and they still play, what sort of quality is that?
CD? DVD? So what's the difference?
I can't recommend "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" strongly enough.
I know where to get it, if you want it.
If you're looking for the 'real cinema experience', I've got some here that were filmed from the back row...
Sorry, I was just in the back room. Ah, let me just wash my hands.
"Of course, this model at £249 gives a much sharper image, which you are bound to appreciate on your 42" LCD screen." Ace filth, Phil
Hardcore kiddie porn sir? I've got just the thing. Sorry I'm shouting sir, it's a nervous illness.
We've got this boxed set of 17 DVDs, each with a peculiar Easter Egg...
[Phil] I'm glad I read that before I lifted my coffee to my lips!
[UK] I wish I understood it.
[IS,P] You'd need to watch the excellent Doctor Who episode Blink.
[UK] I have downloaded same and will be watching it as soon as the exam season is over.
Sorry, sir, we're right out of brown envelopes, here's a clear plastic bag.
Oscars schmoscars, sir. What's important is the nude wimmin on the cover.
[UK] :-)
[Software] If only you knew the quantity of filth that I don't post because it's way beyond what common decency permits!
Have I got snatch? Come over 'ere and say that sunshine!
Sorry, Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang is out, maybe you'd like this one, Anal Invaders 3.
[Phil] Give us the filth!
[IS,P!] Not yet! This one was suggested by my son:
"Oh yeah, that's a great film! You'll love the twist at the end when it turns out that it wasn't Kyle that murdered his wife after all."
There's no point watching Sixth Sense if you haven't watched the other five.
[following on from IS,P!]...and don't get me started on Passenger 57
...not to mention 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.
Have you seen the first nine of the "Malcolm" decalogy? Can't seem to get them anywhere.
[IS,P, Phil] Don't laugh. The reason why "The Madness of George III" was transformed into "The Madness of King George" was that market research in the US showed that people were less likely to go and see the film because they hadn't seen "The Madness of George I" and "The Madness of George II".
*Rings Doorbell* "Hi ... remember me? I'm the salesperson who waited on you this evening. I couldn't help but notice the titles you selected and seeing as my shift was ending, I tail-gated you home with my headlights off so's not to frighten you ... and [l o o o n g p a u s e] here we are. Can I come in?"
[nfras] I can believe that. When Telecom Eireann went public they changed the name to "eircom" because they thought potential US investors might confuse "Eireann" with "Iran".
[oegy] :-)
Really, you should be ashamed of yourself for watching that filth!
You get a free copy of Anal Isis with each title rented. No, it's mandatory.
[nfras] Whenever I hear a story like that, I find it's wise to do something like this.
[CdM] Ah. Snopes. It's an interesting one. They do openly state that the distributors were not responsible for the change. However, the director states that the story is "not totally untrue". What he doesn't state (at least snopes doesn't state it) is that market research was undertaken and that because of the lack of the word "King" in the title, Americans did not make the connection between George III and King George III. The studio thought it a big enough risk from the results of the market research that the title 'King' had to be added. The 'III' was also removed. It has never been revealed why. The studio only ever mentions why King was added. One must assume that it was done for a reason that does not want to be publicly disclosed. One thing a good director knows is that in the film industry, you don't get far if you call your largest audience stupid. So I think on this, Snopes should rate it as unconfirmed.
[nfras] Yes, I'd agree it has a hint of 'unconfirmed' about it. But do you know that such market research was undertaken and found the result you state? If so, then I withdraw my objection. Otherwise, I think the story is better put in the urban legend category.
"Yes, yes, yes, I'll check you out in a minute. But can't you see I'm very busy right now?" *turns back to nfras*
[CdM] I'll try to find the source. I was pretty sure that they did market research.
OK, new topic: how about HOSPITAL RADIO DJ
"And now, for all you oldies, here's Eddie Cochran's Three Steps to Heaven."
"Especially for junior doctors on the night shift, here is a selection of soothing lullabies."
And now an urgent message for Mr Eric Sergeantson in the Kensington Ward. You were told this afternoon that you had 48 hours to live, but there has been a mistake. Dr Humphreys says he was meant to tell you yesterday. Now, Groove is in the Heart by Deee-lite.
"Pssssst ... Hello? This is God. Yes, you lying in the bed there .......... that's right I 'm talking to you. It is time. Come into the light my child. Come into the light."
And here's Madness with Cardiac Arrest
A special request from the staff in the STD Clinic, It started with a kiss.
And if you're in the isolation ward, here are the Police with Don't Stand So Close To Me. (I should point out at this stage that I was a Hospital Radio DJ in a previous incarnation - i.e. when I was a student). [Yoakum] Nice one
"For everyone on the intensive care ward, here's The Eagles with Hotel California, and remember, you can check out any time, but you can't leave."
And another one for the Cardiac ICU, Madonna with Die Another Day.
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