Fourteen....fifteen....keep going....sixteen...nineteen, sevent - wait - hang on - oh, bugger, we'd better start again - one...two...keep going....three....

My God, you're sweating, how disgusting!

Look into my eyes, you are feeling very sleepy...

Here boy, here boy, Over to the running machine! Come on! That's it. Goooooood boy. Have a chocolate treat. All right, come on, boy, jump up. Gooood. All right, here we go... Walkies!

I used to be a fat bastard like you.

If it's an effort, you're doing it wrong.

Now, sit on the floor cross-legged, lotus posture if you can manage it, close your eyes, and chant along wth me, "Ommmmm.....", and as you feel the vibrations filling you, visualise those muscles getting stronger, "OMMMmmmmmmm.........., imagine running effortlessly, "OMMMMMMmmmmmmm.............."

Sorry, but if you don't go into cardiac arrest, you're just not trying hard enough.

Now remember, these are toning exercises, you don't want to develop horrid nasty muscles.

Hello? - Sorry, can't come next week - done me back in.

Get that arse!

Right, twenty pressups NOW, and if I see that flabby belly touch the floor once, *thwack* it'll be six more of these *thwack*. And remember to say "Thank you, Mistress" after each one or you'll get an hour chained to the treadmill.

---

Bit of a set-up this one: Anthropomorphic personification

<diplomatic> I can't quite see what's required here.</diplomatic>

[Rosie] I think perhaps Simons' title is too broad. He may be asking for "furry fandom" input, on the other hand he may, for example, mean the tall skeleton with the hooded black robe and the scythe. I think clarification is required before any posts can be made, or we'll all be confused.

Is it the old Goon Show joke?
"Would you like to see my impressions of wax fruit?"
"Can you do a banana?"
Pause... "In the privacy of your own home, you CAN do a banana."

[gil] It's your turn in the barrel.

If any of those ****ing brats are wake up when I go to get the tooth they can ****ing swing for their ****ing pound

[all] Ah, I see what you mean. I did intend to cover all forms of avatar, including the bony chap, but in hindsight that is a bit broad. Carry on with the tooth fairy?

Dear Lucy,
            Your recent payment of one incisor was credited to your account yesterday. Be aware that due to shifts in certain volatile market assets you are currently in a position of significant negative equity vis-a-vis your dental assemblage. I have regretfully decided to foreclose on your remaining debt and would appreciate your payment of the outstanding balance (currently assessed at two canines, a premolar, two molars and a wisdom tooth) by close of business Thursday.

Yours Sincerely,

T. Fairy.