The conventional view is that museums hold things of the past. Why don't we challenge that and build a museum of the present! An exhibition of the best of modern life: espresso machines, boy bands, and Jade Goody nude. And we'll never run out of space, when we throw out the new to make way for the newer.

I only broke it a little bit.

"I think embellishing some works with a marker pen makes them more accessible."

"Ooooh-la-la, my first order of business will be to gargle with lavoris, next I'll slap on a little cologne, and finally its off to reanimate old Queen Hatshepsut in her drab sarcophagus. Now, WHERE did I put that 'Do Not Disturb' sign?"

I don't know why the Greeks are so obsessed with marbles, but can't we pay them off with a few bags of aggies?

Listing all these civilizations by name is racist, and separating the artifacts into so-called "cultures" only demonstrates outdated tunnel-visioned stereotyping.

During the Christmas holidays I decide to re-order everything according to colour and size. So much tidier, don't you think?