mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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I wish I had a bushy beard

I'd stroke it thoughtfully

And in it I'd collect stale food

For when there's naught for tea.

I wish I had a fine moustache

To hide my crooked lip

I wouldn't fake with chimney ash

In case my nose did drip

I wish I had big sideburns on we go...

Like 'Elvis mutton chops'

I'd wag them fiercely in your face

Until you called the cops.

The thin blue line

My blue suede shoes are rather tight

My sparkly pants are, too

My hips are arthritic now

But Hound Dog, I love you

Oh, to live with floppy ears

Like HRH the heir

Which makes no sense to most of us
So shall we leave it there?

Let's have no nonsense. Careful now.

Mother's watching, you see.

The scansion is just hard, there, and it seems to have stalled us. May I offer a slight rewrite?

penelope: Let's have no nonsense. Careful now.

cfm: Mother's watching us.

CdM: So take it easy, Mrs Peel

Get it done - no fuss

I need some information

That is hid in antient tomes

It's all about the height of dwarves

And religious views of gnomes.

If I was blessed with hindsight

I'd know my bum was clean

Alas, I'm no contortionist

And so it goes unseen

The trouble with solicitors

Hang on, where do I start?

My phone is ringing off the hook

It rings each time I fart.

I wish I were a carpenter

You'd see that I can saw

I'd take out my nice big tool

And drop you through the floor assuming it's a wooden floor

I wish I were a foolish maid Brains? What are they good for? They only get you into trouble and create more work.

A-milking foolish cows

Flirting with a scurvy knave

And more, as time allows.

I wish I were not at this desk

At this ungodly hour

This corp'rate life is too grotesque

Except for those with power

Brains are just a waste of space

And so are dirty socks

But well-coiffed whiskers on one's face

Can cover up one's pocks

It only takes a second to ... - usa

Say "thank you" now and then

Manners maketh man you know

But banging maketh MEN!

I wish I were a mermaid

My shimmery tail would swish

Enticing foolish sailors

Who yearn women that smell like fish

Calypso on her island

Conceals her true intent

Her penchant for fresh crabmeat

To mask that fishy scent

If I were a door knocker

I'd want a change of job

I'd be shiny, bold as brass

And be a polished knob.

Behold this knob of butter

Behold this cob of corn

The use for these is obvious

Now, let's go make some porn

I wish I were a porn star

Is the title of a book

I've seen the author's photo

It wasn't worth the look

I wish I were a smuggler

I'd deal in contraband

Forget parades and celebrations

My wares are much too grand.

I wish my nose were bulbous

Karl Maldenesque, indeed

I'd snore with improved resonance

My breath it would impede mercy killing...

Have mercy on the graceless

The faceless and the lost

For without eyes they cannot see

And mouthless, cannot floss.

I wish I was a haggis

But fried instead of simmered.

With my buddies neeps and tatties

On pure white plates that glimmered.

Let he who is without sin cast

A blessing on this place

For purity is rare indeed

And we could use some grace

I wish I had pink toe shoes

And a pink tutu as well

I'd prance across the try line

Oh how I wish I was a gel

It only takes a little snip

To right those years of wrong

To redirect each errant ship

And invert that manly dong Coat!

The thickest mist has envelopèd

My normally robust brain

And thus it has developèd

To drizzle, then light rain.

Hidden text

[Rosie] What ho, old chum!

I'm glad I'm not Italian [Where's you bin, Rosie?]

I'm not a fan of gnocchi

Focaccia brings me out in hives

Like Berlusconi's cock(y). (Softers, Phil(th)) Avoiding irritation and the consequent hypertensive stress and the casting of heavy objects at the screen. However, this place is addictive.

I wish I were a hedgehog

All cute, but rather prickly

Hidden text

[Rosie] thought so.

I'd take care while crossing roads

Or I'd meet my Maker quickly

I wish I were a filament

Or something just as tenuous

This constant need for intro lines

Is getting rather strenuous Oblig.

I wish that I could start anew

And be sixteen again

I wouldn't have a single clue

But sex would be the same

I wish I knew just what to do

In high-class situations

My knowledge of such etiquette

Is scant, and strains relations.

I wish I could convince you

That rats and voles and foxes

Lack pouches like a kangaroo's

So keep their young in boxes Poor form to post twice in the same verse, but it just seemed right.

I wish my next-door neighbour

Would leave her curtains open

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