mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

is to tap him on the shoulder

And recite some bawdy prose

A common chap, it must be said

Stands firm upon the ground

Knobbly

A baseball cap atop his head

His belly large and round.

A man with just a bit of class (or class, depends on where you're from as to how you say it)

Beats a man who just has none

He'll play down his credentials

But you'll know that you've been done

I wish I were an aardvark oblig.

Munching down on yummy ants

Instead I'm just a card shark

ImNotJohn

Five aces in my pants

I wish I were a kinkajou

It's such a cutesy word

Simons Mith

The carcajou is just passé

A wolverine, I've heard.

Among the forest, lives something

Hidden text

It seems that sometimes when people try to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines, the poems don't scan and they forget that the 2nd and 4th lines should rhyme.

With twenty thousand eyes

But the twenty thousand cataracts

Cause twenty thousand styes

The telly has a broken screen

The rain drips through the roof

There's dry rot in the window frames

Knobbly

And mildew on the pouffe

I wish I had a winning line

For my football pool do they still have those?

I'd keep my secret to myself

And count my cash, and drool.

I've bloody won the jackpot!

ImNotJohn

In my office sweep

I got the winning ticket

Phil

The prize? A blow-up sheep :-(

My di-ri-gi-ble ovine

Gives me a lot of fun

Confusing all the sheepdogs

Sensors (please excuse the pun)

Yesterday was my birthday

Whootz

The 27th one

Everybody ate lots of turkey

And learned how to write Glowworms

I wish I could knit sweaters

Or even crochet scarves

My bottom might not be so cold

Spang

I'll not do things by halves

penel

This trend for shortening player's names

Spang

Deserves a special mensh

Ra

It makes me an Egyptian god

Ros

But I am still a wench.

Phi

I feel like I'm a little Greek

pen

Mine suits my occupation

Soft

This looks much more malible

ImNot

But I'm just a negation

Cd

Run down and slightly suspect

Ph

And suffering with acid

FG

I'm not in my element

Sp

And not much good when flassid

SW

I wish I were in Lapland

FG

With Santa and his reindeer

Spa

I'd take a curing water bath SO looking forward to the rhyme match on the last line ...

Im

To get rid of this pain, dear

Tu

It seems quite elemental

Span

To measure stuff by hand

SW

But in case of more precision

Use a rubber band!

For a pet, I want a unicorn

A griffon or centaur

I shun such things as pussy cats

FGZstar

They leave me wanting more

I wish I were a shovel

In a brawny stoker's hand

Feeding hungry furnaces

Ah! Wouldn't life be grand!

I wish I were a Christmas pud too early?

Made by Blumenthal

Maybe I'd taste really good

If made in the fall!

FGZstar

It seems the snow has cleared at last

Or turnèd into slush

Both arms, one leg in plaster cast

Take heed: on ice don't rush!

The honeymoon is at an end

A split is on the cards

He caught her in the bellboy's arms

Drinking pints and yards Nice pub, the Bellboy's

It seems we never take a break

From standing on our feet

Kim

Except when we are lying down

Felled by the icy street

I wish I were an asteroid

Careering round in space

Kim

Waiting to be named after

One of the human race

I wish I were a reindeer

I'd rein in all the deer

I'd put vermilion on their snouts

And a tail-light on their rear.

I wish that I had Santa's sack

Full of Christmas goodies

I'd give those reindeer all a smack bah humbug

Like ASBO-worthy hoodies.

Phil

I'm flippin' sick of Christmas

How sick? That's so polite!

I've upchucked all my cookies

On Giertrud - out of spite

I wish I were a bottle

Of moonshine or poteen

I'd upchuck all my stomach contents

And turn dear Spangle green.

Hidden text

Revenge, sweet revenge.

Juxtapose

It's now two-oh-eleven

You had said half-past-eight

On this stairway to heaven

I hate it when you're late.

I wish I were a blowlamp

Projoy

With a single fiery eye.

Whate'er I looked at would burn up

And in-stan-tally die.

I forgot to wear my underwear

Commando by default

Mercy killing I'm hopeless and I'm childish
A clueless simple dolt

I cannot make the meeting

I'm running rather late

Leaves on the line at Coulsden

Have really clogged the gate.

They say we must work harder

But won't pay a penny more

I've got an empty larder

And rats upon the floor
I only wish the bosses

Could live on crumbs and gruel

Chalky

This may well cut their losses

Or just shareholders fool

I'd rather be in Timbucktu

Unearthing ancient books

Rather than be a sous chef

One of too many cooks