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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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My snore, I'm told, is very loud
I could wake the dead.
And, alas, my other half
Takes someone else to bed sorrysorrysorry
I wish I were the Ace of Spades (pen) Yeah, me too. Farting.
For I so love to dig
I'd dig for diamonds and win hearts
And spend time in the brig.
I wish I were in Shangri-la
Or else in Xanadu
Fulham Road just ain't the same
When I am not with you.
Next month I'm getting married
To my cousin's mother's brother
I only really chose him
'Cos oldies, there's no other!
My uncle is the man I married
So therefore we're both gay
My step-kids are my cousins
And **** lots when they play! (I know...so wrong.)
These rhymes are getting pretty racy
We'd better tone it down.
It's time for straight-laced prudence
To shed her straight-lace gown
I wish I were a road hump
I'd slow you down for sure
I'd mess with your suspension
And shake you to the core There is a local road here where the bloody things are so high and narrow that they bottom on my gearbox - grrrrr!
[Software] You can bottom on my gearbox any time
I wish I were a camel's hump
The dromedary kind
A hairy desert-crossing lump
A seat for your behind
I wish the game of Limericks
Would only need four lines
Then that would save on typing
and leave time for shoeshines.
I wish I were a wiener
And on the Danube be
So please don't wish my town goodnight
We waltz til half past three
I wish I were in Amsterdam
Relaxing with a spliff
I'd close my eyes and take a drag
And chase a hippogriff.
I wish a were Geordie (Kag S, Giert)
Hidden text = From north-east England. Agreeable but incomprehensible speech, football-mad, often lacking both sobriety and appropriate clothing etc, etc.
With tons o' kegs 'o beer
I'd never share them with my friends
They're Southerners, thus queer!
Hidden text[Rosie] Take that, old chum :-)
I wish I were a Welshman
Brandishing a leek
I'd be "Leek King" of Casnewydd
I wish I played cassette tapes
With Dolby Stereo sound
But I have just my eight-track
And half a lousy pound.
I wish that pair would go away
You know just who I mean
I think that same thought every day
It's not the king and queen.
I wish a were a candlestick
Hot wax poured down my body
Depilating furtively
I'd hate to be Bill Oddie oblig. What a load of rot. Can we please have some sense in limericks, if that's not an oxymoronic thing to ask?
I wish I was a ninja's sword
Most dangerous to wield
I'd snicker-snack 'til daybreak
While talking to the shield
The vole deserves a mention
For its green and frugal life
As also its fecundity
Who'd be the vole's poor wife?
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