mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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They're Southerners, thus queer!

Hidden text

[Rosie] Take that, old chum :-)

I wish I were a Welshman

Brandishing a leek

I'd be "Leek King" of Casnewydd

And win races like a Greek.

I wish I played cassette tapes

With Dolby Stereo sound

But I have just my eight-track

And half a lousy pound.

I wish that pair would go away

You know just who I mean

I think that same thought every day

It's not the king and queen.

I wish a were a candlestick

Hot wax poured down my body

Depilating furtively

I'd hate to be Bill Oddie oblig. What a load of rot. Can we please have some sense in limericks, if that's not an oxymoronic thing to ask?

I wish I was a ninja's sword

Most dangerous to wield

I'd snicker-snack 'til daybreak

While talking to the shield

The vole deserves a mention

For its green and frugal life

As also its fecundity

Who'd be the vole's poor wife?

Let's not forget the porcupine

He's sharp and to the point

But when it comes to making love

It takes much more than 'point and shove' point??? Also, *gets coat*

Now let us praise the noble eel

Anoint it with hot oil

Its slimy length slips down the throat

To in your tummy coil

eeeeuuuuwwwww
The river bed is home to chub

Chubby as chubs can be

A little maggot on a hook

Then supper - yes sirree

Now its time to talk of tench

But not of Angelfish

A tench is just a would-be carp

And makes a tasty dish.

Consider now the salmon

Which jumps upstream to spawn

It has no need for smutty books

Or any brains, just brawn

The cod, a northern waters type

Is tasty? No, that's just hype

But in its time its caused more wars

Than a baby's dirty dipe. Was struggling for a rhyme.

When the Northern Sea gets stormy

And the fishing boats are tossed

The humpback whales start singing

As the the cod find to their cost.

I wish I were a trawlerman Welcome back, Rosie

Battling the icy waves

But I am a much smaller man

A youth who rarely shaves

I wish these piranha lacked teeth

So they would not scan so badly

While swimming by the Barrier Reef

And masticating madly.

The way to treat a gentleman

To keep him on his toes

is to tap him on the shoulder

And recite some bawdy prose

A common chap, it must be said

Stands firm upon the ground

A baseball cap atop his head

His belly large and round.

A man with just a bit of class (or class, depends on where you're from as to how you say it)

Beats a man who just has none

He'll play down his credentials

But you'll know that you've been done

I wish I were an aardvark oblig.

Munching down on yummy ants

Instead I'm just a card shark

Five aces in my pants

I wish I were a kinkajou

It's such a cutesy word

The carcajou is just passé

A wolverine, I've heard.

Among the forest, lives something

Hidden text

It seems that sometimes when people try to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines, the poems don't scan and they forget that the 2nd and 4th lines should rhyme.

With twenty thousand eyes

But the twenty thousand cataracts

Cause twenty thousand styes

The telly has a broken screen

The rain drips through the roof

There's dry rot in the window frames

And mildew on the pouffe

I wish I had a winning line

For my football pool do they still have those?

I'd keep my secret to myself

And count my cash, and drool.

I've bloody won the jackpot!

In my office sweep

I got the winning ticket

The prize? A blow-up sheep :-(

My di-ri-gi-ble ovine

Gives me a lot of fun

Confusing all the sheepdogs

Sensors (please excuse the pun)

Yesterday was my birthday

The 27th one

Everybody ate lots of turkey

And learned how to write Glowworms

I wish I could knit sweaters

Or even crochet scarves

My bottom might not be so cold

I'll not do things by halves

This trend for shortening player's names

Deserves a special mensh

It makes me an Egyptian god

But I am still a wench.

I feel like I'm a little Greek

Mine suits my occupation

This looks much more malible

But I'm just a negation

Run down and slightly suspect

And suffering with acid

I'm not in my element

And not much good when flassid

I wish I were in Lapland

With Santa and his reindeer

I'd take a curing water bath SO looking forward to the rhyme match on the last line ...

To get rid of this pain, dear

It seems quite elemental

To measure stuff by hand

But in case of more precision

Use a rubber band!

For a pet, I want a unicorn

A griffon or centaur

I shun such things as pussy cats

They leave me wanting more

I wish I were a shovel

In a brawny stoker's hand

Feeding hungry furnaces

Ah! Wouldn't life be grand!

I wish I were a Christmas pud too early?

Made by Blumenthal

Maybe I'd taste really good

If made in the fall!

It seems the snow has cleared at last

Or turnèd into slush

Both arms, one leg in plaster cast

Take heed: on ice don't rush!

The honeymoon is at an end

A split is on the cards

He caught her in the bellboy's arms

Drinking pints and yards Nice pub, the Bellboy's

It seems we never take a break

From standing on our feet

Except when we are lying down

Felled by the icy street

I wish I were an asteroid

Careering round in space

Waiting to be named after

One of the human race

I wish I were a reindeer

I'd rein in all the deer

I'd put vermilion on their snouts

And a tail-light on their rear.

I wish that I had Santa's sack

Full of Christmas goodies

I'd give those reindeer all a smack bah humbug

Like ASBO-worthy hoodies.

I'm flippin' sick of Christmas

How sick? That's so polite!

I've upchucked all my cookies

On Giertrud - out of spite

I wish I were a bottle

Of moonshine or poteen

I'd upchuck all my stomach contents

And turn dear Spangle green.

Hidden text

Revenge, sweet revenge.

It's now two-oh-eleven

You had said half-past-eight

On this stairway to heaven

I hate it when you're late.

I wish I were a blowlamp

With a single fiery eye.

Whate'er I looked at would burn up

And in-stan-tally die.

I forgot to wear my underwear

Commando by default

Mercy killing I'm hopeless and I'm childish
A clueless simple dolt

I cannot make the meeting

I'm running rather late

Leaves on the line at Coulsden

Have really clogged the gate.

They say we must work harder

But won't pay a penny more

I've got an empty larder

And rats upon the floor
I only wish the bosses

Could live on crumbs and gruel

This may well cut their losses

Or just shareholders fool

I'd rather be in Timbucktu

Unearthing ancient books

Rather than be a sous chef

One of too many cooks

I say! This broth is spoiled

Waiter, can you catch this fly?

Don't worry, sir, it's boiled

Never mind, I'll take the pie

A Broadway play on tour

Performed by English men

Arrived in Pascagoula

Then quickly left again

This crossword is too cryptic

It would take a cipher whiz

Or that bloke that's down the pub

Who always wins the quiz

This rumpsteak is too chewy

It's made from kangaroo

It's served à la chop suey

Quickly, where's the loo? [Spangle] just what I had in mind

I wish I were a satnav Trad.

Signaled by GPS

I'd have you drive right through a lake

and make you a big mess.

I've ne're time to play this game

For that we're truly pleased

So this line isn't really here

It's just something I sneezed

laughs out loud

I wish I were a sewer rat

Just lolling in the muck

To live in filth is de rigeur

If fragrant you're a schmuck
mercy killing - ain't it curious how some of these little ditties just take off and others hang around like a smell on a landing ..

I wish I were a landing smell yeah... oblig.

Pervading everywhere

My sulphuretted compounds

Would announce Kilroy was there.

I wish I were a poultergeist

A ghost of chickens past

I'd just pull off my drumsticks

Then headlessly run fast

I wish I were a tuba

With a 'normous shiny bell

My basso tones will resonate

And make your life sheer hell. This has sat here for 9 days so I've finished it myself. I wouldn't say it was a particularly difficult one.

I wish I were an endgame Time, gentlemen?

A glow-worm's final thrust

The last bright glimmer in the dark

Arising from the dust

Why kill it? It moves faster than any other game in MC5.

I wish you'd all just go away

I know just what you mean

You're really getting up my nose

Like Elton John, great queen.

My phone ate the "whoops" button

didn't realize we were missing our dividing line
My phone ate the "whoops" button

It thought it was delicious (this is the 2nd line - the first is "my phone at the whoops button)

It tasted of old mutton

Which makes me feel suspicious

I wish to make a statement

That will edify the press:

"I've got loads of money -

Most people have got less."

I wish I were a paintbrush

Thrust deep in thick, thick paint

I'd spread it 'cross your canvas

But an oil painting? You ain't.

I need some inspiration

My mind has drawn a blank

Has anyone got any thoughts

I did have, but they stank.

(Rosie has cleverly made my move look like I forgot the question mark.)

[Knobbers] That's cut-throat competitve poetry for you. Well - doggerel dogfights, anyhoo.
It's funny how your brightest thoughts

Are had while in the bath

These musings land one in the courts (Knobbly) So you did. I've only just noticed.
(pen) Knobbers? Knobbers?? You're dir'y.

If played out before a hearth Broad "a" mode.

I wish I were a lawyer

Who travels place to place

Distributing fee notes

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