mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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And I'd always be a grump

I'd trade all my possessions

For just one night with you

I'd hang on to the condoms, though

I can only sup-port two.

I wish I only worked part-time I do...

Just 40 hours or so

I'd work them all contiguously

At a street pub in Warsaw

If I were on Big Brother never watch it, actually

Then, just to cause a scandal

I'd walk up to the cameraman

While naked, bar one sandal.

I wish I were an elephant

As big as big can be

And white would also be quite nice

But grey's OK by me

I want to spray my turtle with

A really good strong lacquer

So when I take it out to play Is "turtle" a euphemism for something?

I'm Tito, he's maraca Tito Puente and I'd need another half for a complete set of maracas, obviously...

I wish my pet piranhas would

Learn some table manners

It never uses knife or fork

When eating their bananners Mercy killing

My pets were forty stripy snails

Who left trails of oozy slime

And so I say when all else fails

That oozy slime's sublime

It's small and green and scratchy

But it's also pretty cute

And when it snuggles up to me

It's not so hard to shoot

I wish I were an astronaut

Hurtling through the void

I'd fix Space Stations' toilet bowls

And ease my haemorrhoid

We ought to have a bonfire

To burn the falling leaves From my neighbour's bloody trees.

From my neighbour's bloody trees

I sweep them on my knees well, Mrs Software does, anyway ... sorry for leaping in.

We need to move the compost heap

Why is it in the lounge?

It warms the room, and as you know

It's eco-friendly - zounds!

The weeds are growing larger

Time to slash and burn (Softers) The only rhyme I could think of was scrounge.

Like Athens razed to ashes

Will we ever learn?

The flames have grown a bit too high

My burgers are imperilled!

I'll damp the flames with kerosene

My wife shouts, "Grow up, Gerald!"

I wish I wasn't burning

With such intense desire

To wish that I was yearning

For you to light my fire.

I wish I were a cricket ball

With stitched and puckered seam

I'd conjure up a googly

Be a spin bowler's dream

Their bats are made of willow

They play on a sticky wicket

Their stubble is like Brillo

It's prickly, so don't lick it

*Overheard*

I'll play a dazzling rhapsody
On all your pleasure centres
And drain you of your ecstacy
By taking out my dentures

...and now, back to our usual programme...

I wish my dentures would fit right

Up Rupert Murdoch's arse Dreadfully sorry....

Then perhaps he'd feel the need

to show a bit more class moving speedily along

I'd like a little drop of milk

To pour into my tea

And sugar too, for I'm a builder

So can you make it three?

I'm forming an opinion That last one was nice. Congrats me (p) R, R, SM

That I'd like to express

I want you for a minion

To get me out this mess

I wish I were a rubber stamp

I'm sure I'd make my mark

And I'd be quite officious

To be frank, an autarch

The Dirty Dancer's danced his last

And now is just a ghost

They mourn in the City of Joy

For now he is just toast.

I wish I were a teetotum

A dreidel or whirligig

But spinning make me giddy

Explain your elections in Swahili then goad unemployable layabouts, dig?

I wish I could change just one thing:

The way that my bike bell goes ting!

Sorry, thinking in limericks there...

Actually, it could still work if read in ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum metre and AABB rhyming.

I'd rather it went boing instead (continuing with Raak's suggestion)

And boggle all those folks ahead

I wish that she would tell me

How white my shirts could be

If laundry maids all armed with bleach

Would point and squirt for free

A splash of paint, a dob of glue

I shall build a balsa plane;

I'll tie a hampster underneath

For I'm a sadist; I do pain.

A whip, some chains and baby oil

Are all I need, with you

As you are quite the sexiest

Welder I ever knew

I wish I were a piano string

That's tuned to middle C

I'd be reverberatering

And shaking at the knee

My love is like a piano string
That's tuned to middle C
Oh, what duets with her I sing
Played in a major key.

My love is like a red, red rose I can feel some sort of cascade coming on.

But woe, alas, alack!

The thorns attached have pricked me so

No comfort in the sack

My love is like a high, high hill

For ever in the clouds

The constant fog makes me feel ill

I'll soon be wrapped in shrouds

My love is like a green, green toad

She's just about to croak

But if I kiss her on the lips

All lust goes up in smoke

My love is like a big red bus (CdM, INJ) You two are evil

Whose engine's mighty throb

Makes all the blood rush to my cheeks

Which gives me a red gob

My love just makes me sing the blues

All day and all night long

The blisters from my blue suede shoes

Give sole to every song

My love is like a pink, pink pig

For I bring home the bacon (Darren) Admirable restraint.

Which fills her belly, round and big

For my bitch she is Jamaican

[i, R, D. S] That last one made me snigger out loud. Pork scratchings all round.
My love is like a chocolate cake

She's soft and sweet and yummy

A delicious moment on the lips

A squirming in the tummy.

My hate is like a black, black hole

'Cos I was once a star

That fell right in upon myself

When I thought I'd go far

My love is like an elephant

But with a tiny trunk

My manhood has some shortcomings

So I'll become a monk.

My love is like a great big dog

That licks on me with glee

And when we make the two-backed beast

I keep my eye out for a flea.

My love is like the River Thames

It's very, very wet

And when my lover tires of this

I towel off the sweat

My love is of the cupboard type

With lovely louvred doors

But I secretly admire

Her polished wooden floors.

My love is like a hungry wolf

That rends me limb from limb

A perfect dominatrix

Though not exactly trim.

Hidden text

And my God, what a quim!

My life is like a Broadway play

On third thoughts

My life is like a Broadway show

And not a Broadway play

All dancing-girls and razz'matazz

To watch it, you must pay

My love is like a cockatoo

All noise and show and strut

When 'Polly wants a cracker', well,

She'll peck at nothing but.

My love is like a London bus

but you won't let me stop dearie me

Even though there's room on top

For all who'd like a pop. ...disgraceful...

[K, me, S, R] Splendid. beautifully set-up.
My love is like a village hall

That hasn't got a roof

So when it rains we use the church

It's not the same to tell the truth

My love is like a deep, deep fjord

By Slartibartfast made

Her crinkly edges are a joy

If to them attention's paid

My love is like a smorgasbord

Laid down for all to eat

Now, which bit shall I have today

I think I'll bite her feet

My love is like a summer's day

(Not a British one of course)

We love to roll in new-mown hay

She reminds me of a horse

My love is like a wild, wild wind

From eating too much chili

She's loud and doth so like to gas

It fair doth shrink my willy.

My love is like a pint of ale

Her mug froths at the mouth

She's bitter, stout and sometimes pale

And commutes from Whyteleafe South. Sorry, but not many rhymes.

My shed is made of finest teak

With hand-made brass door-hinges

The door itself shall never squeak

Thus conceal my secret binges

When times are tough, I often go

And rub my genie's lamp

It makes him very happy, and

His trousers damp Sorry, sorry, sorry ...

My love is like the purest thing Shameful, Softers, shameful...

Just think of driven snow

My love's more fluffy, whiter too

And just ten quid a go.

My love's a stream of bat's piss

Amber nectar from on high

And when I steal a fruity kiss

It squirts me in the eye

My love is much like fish and chips

A warm and greasy friend

The strangest feeling on the lips

In ecstasy I transcend

My love is like a pitted prune

A bit like my complexion

It looks its worst in early June

Bright sun shows each imperfection

My love is like a saxophone

As played by John Coltraine [Software] I hate to bellyache, but you've provided the last line in five out of the last six Glow Worms and spoiled the scansion in four of them. Please could you try to stick to "de-dum de-dum de-dum-dum"?

hear hear Kim

The scansion in Glow Worms can be anything that is rhythmic and fits; it does not have to be de-dum de-dum de-dum

Caressed it makes a blissful moan [Kim, Lurker] Luck of the draw, old mates. See also Rosie.

But blown it squeals in pain

His love is deeper than the sea

Hard to fathom , coral tough

And when she walks by with a wave,

It nearly is enough eh?

Their love is something never said

They do but gasp and grunt

While intertwined in passion

Imagine a final line containing the phrase ...thrust through her... Or perhaps not.
With a Bank to Morden shunt.

My love is like a teddy bear

He's bald; one eye is missing

He's furry and he paws on me

And squeaks when we are kissing

I wrote a letter to my love [S, p, i, K - delightful.]

Expressing my intention

Her answer came wrapped round a brick

Declaring her abstention

My love encompasses all things

All creatures great and small

Except the pygmy marmoset

I don't like it at all.

My love is like a boil-ed sweet

It's sweet and hard and sticky

And when I suck it in my cheek

I give myself a hickey

Our love was never rash or wrong

But rauchy, wriggly, rapt

Er, raunchy.

Now I'm covered in a itchy rash

All poxy, syphed, and clapped.

My loves are lovely, dark and deep

Consisting, as they do

Of Amelle, Jade and Heidi

Hidden text

The Sugababes, fyi

Tweety Pie and Wicky Woo

My love is like a firework

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