mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

I wish I were an elephant

As big as big can be

And white would also be quite nice

But grey's OK by me

I want to spray my turtle with

A really good strong lacquer

So when I take it out to play Is "turtle" a euphemism for something?

I'm Tito, he's maraca Tito Puente and I'd need another half for a complete set of maracas, obviously...

I wish my pet piranhas would

Learn some table manners

It never uses knife or fork

When eating their bananners Mercy killing

My pets were forty stripy snails

irach`

Who left trails of oozy slime

And so I say when all else fails

That oozy slime's sublime

It's small and green and scratchy

But it's also pretty cute

And when it snuggles up to me

Darren

It's not so hard to shoot

I wish I were an astronaut

Hurtling through the void

I'd fix Space Stations' toilet bowls

And ease my haemorrhoid

We ought to have a bonfire

To burn the falling leaves From my neighbour's bloody trees.

From my neighbour's bloody trees

I sweep them on my knees well, Mrs Software does, anyway ... sorry for leaping in.

We need to move the compost heap

Why is it in the lounge?

It warms the room, and as you know

It's eco-friendly - zounds!

The weeds are growing larger

Time to slash and burn (Softers) The only rhyme I could think of was scrounge.

Like Athens razed to ashes

Will we ever learn?

The flames have grown a bit too high

My burgers are imperilled!

I'll damp the flames with kerosene

My wife shouts, "Grow up, Gerald!"

I wish I wasn't burning

With such intense desire

To wish that I was yearning

For you to light my fire.

I wish I were a cricket ball

With stitched and puckered seam

I'd conjure up a googly

Be a spin bowler's dream

Their bats are made of willow

They play on a sticky wicket

Their stubble is like Brillo

It's prickly, so don't lick it

*Overheard*

I'll play a dazzling rhapsody
On all your pleasure centres
And drain you of your ecstacy
By taking out my dentures

...and now, back to our usual programme...

I wish my dentures would fit right

Up Rupert Murdoch's arse Dreadfully sorry....

Then perhaps he'd feel the need

to show a bit more class moving speedily along

I'd like a little drop of milk

To pour into my tea

And sugar too, for I'm a builder

So can you make it three?

I'm forming an opinion That last one was nice. Congrats me (p) R, R, SM

That I'd like to express

I want you for a minion

To get me out this mess

I wish I were a rubber stamp

I'm sure I'd make my mark

And I'd be quite officious

To be frank, an autarch

The Dirty Dancer's danced his last

ImNotJohn

And now is just a ghost

They mourn in the City of Joy

For now he is just toast.

I wish I were a teetotum

A dreidel or whirligig

But spinning make me giddy

Explain your elections in Swahili then goad unemployable layabouts, dig?

I wish I could change just one thing:

The way that my bike bell goes ting!

Sorry, thinking in limericks there...

Actually, it could still work if read in ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum metre and AABB rhyming.

I'd rather it went boing instead (continuing with Raak's suggestion)

And boggle all those folks ahead

I wish that she would tell me

How white my shirts could be

If laundry maids all armed with bleach

Would point and squirt for free

A splash of paint, a dob of glue

I shall build a balsa plane;

I'll tie a hampster underneath

For I'm a sadist; I do pain.

A whip, some chains and baby oil

Are all I need, with you

As you are quite the sexiest

Welder I ever knew

I wish I were a piano string

That's tuned to middle C

I'd be reverberatering

And shaking at the knee

My love is like a piano string
That's tuned to middle C
Oh, what duets with her I sing
Played in a major key.

My love is like a red, red rose I can feel some sort of cascade coming on.

But woe, alas, alack!

The thorns attached have pricked me so

No comfort in the sack

My love is like a high, high hill

For ever in the clouds

The constant fog makes me feel ill

I'll soon be wrapped in shrouds

My love is like a green, green toad

ImNotJohn

She's just about to croak

But if I kiss her on the lips

All lust goes up in smoke

My love is like a big red bus (CdM, INJ) You two are evil

Whose engine's mighty throb

Makes all the blood rush to my cheeks

Darren

Which gives me a red gob

My love just makes me sing the blues

All day and all night long

The blisters from my blue suede shoes

Give sole to every song

My love is like a pink, pink pig

For I bring home the bacon (Darren) Admirable restraint.

Darren

Which fills her belly, round and big

For my bitch she is Jamaican

[i, R, D. S] That last one made me snigger out loud. Pork scratchings all round.
My love is like a chocolate cake

She's soft and sweet and yummy

A delicious moment on the lips

A squirming in the tummy.

My hate is like a black, black hole

'Cos I was once a star