mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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In my Cooper S

But just as he was in my sights

I span off - what a mess.

They once put Clarkson in a tank

Of boiling caustic soda ...dream on...

But the b*stard's really so thick skinned

We wait to write his coda

I wish an anaconda could

Wear a feather boa

On the catwalk it would slither

With aplomb but ever slower

The mamba is a placid soul

(Invoking the Nash convention. Ogden Nash, that is.)

Whose gentle toxic bite

Will send you into ga-ga land

See one and take fright.

I wish I were in Kathmandu

Chug-a-lugging Gorkha beer

Climb a mountain? - no can do

I think I'll stay right here

When I once rode through Peckham

As a Spice Girls groupie

I thought that David Beckham

Was local slang for loopy.

I wish I were a pelican

A crossing's what I'd be

Not Zebra or pedestrian

Or Julia Roberts' brief for me

My y-fronts are the stretchy ones

Because I'm big down there

My feet are almost size eighteen Chalky - back on form, missus?!!

But them - my wife don't care

The hippo favours boxer shorts

So warm savannah breezes (unfinished sentence alert)

May aerate sundry nether parts

Which cures all known diseases.

The alligator's cheerful grin

Belies its fearsome chomp

Therefore, don't put fingers in

Unless that is your wont Making the best of irach's challenging rhyme

I wish I could have easy rhymes [Software]...how about "swamp...or stomp... or romp... or pomp"?

Like "me", "my", or "nasturtium"

And not have "alcohol" or "Thirsk"

Or Moses' firstborn, Gershom.

(Raak) .....who played in goal for Walton and Hersham. Good on crosses.

[irach] tried them, couldn't make 'em work

I love a well-constructed ark

And animals in pairs

With several decks to spread the load

And on the top, deckchairs.

Hidden text

And underneath, a line.

I wish I were a blowlamp

I love the smell of burning paint

My blow job will impress you

And leave you feeling faint

Such fun to be a hippo!

And wallow in the mud!

The best thing about wallowing:

It's not something I should.

I wish for not a single thing

I'm rich and have it all

The cash, the cars, the yacht, the bling

Yes, I'm a Barbie doll!

My orca thinks a goldfish bowl

Is comfy, warm and snug

This bowl, of course, is very large

I cross it in a tug

I wish I'd been King Henry Eight

And ruled o'er all the land

My carnal appetite I'd sate

On Kates and Annes at hand

I wish I was a rolling stone

That could gather up Kate Moss

I'd be a model rock star

And use her just to floss

When a stone has finished rolling

It'll be o'er the hill

And all the moss it's gathered

Will be there still.

I wish the Pussycat and Owl

Would cease their constant rowing

They've got an outboard motor now

And really should get going

I had a little problem (i,K,SM,p - bravo)

Nothing would it ease

I had lots of honey

But still I lost my peas how satisfying

I had a little brainwave

'Twas no brain tsunami

The idea just came into my head

To join the Belgian army

I haven't got an earthly chance

Of shagging Hazel Blears

The thought of that just makes me weep

With joyful, happy tears

I wish a Snark (Boojum, or not)

Was not so hard to catch

So maybe I'll just not bother

As I think I've met my match

Lonely Grinch Would Like To Meet

A Who like Cindy Lou

For friendship, fun and maybe more

But anything will do

[Software] Excellent finish

En route from Clapham Junction

To Sunningdale, via Staines

A bloody signal failure

Oh, damn these BritRail trains!

I wish I were a satnav (irach) BR (British Rail) is no more. Privatised in 1994. Don't get me going. :-)

I'd tell you where to go

Turn left along this footpath

And then get out and row.

I wish I had a second home

Be it igloo or a yurt [Rosie]Forgive me my trespass. But then what do us Yanks know of things British such as bowlers, stumps and fish and chips, or haggises and kings? Maybe Brit Rail got privatised just because of those bloody signal failures pre-dating 1994 ;)

I'd furnish it from MFI (irach) Yep, private firms make lots of money installing dodgy signals and other private firms make equally large amounts repairing them. Sole purpose of the exercise.

And carpet it with dirt

Dorothy Parker -

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host

I wish I were a spittoon

In which men expectorate

Though now, upon reflection

I should learn to delegate.

I wish Alfredo Garcia's head

Was brought today to me

On second thoughts instead

Invite him round for tea

I wish I were a biscuit

Dunked in a cuppa tea

I'd go from crisp to soggy

Before you count to three

I wish I were a talent scout

With power to recommend

For then you'd let me scout you out

To star in the West End

I stand at the end of the pier

Whoops, I may have limericked by mistake. Sorry.

[SM] Can be remedied....I wish I stood at pier's end

Playing the slot machines Fits either

I'd surely win the jackpot

And stuff it in my jeans

Whisht! I hear a whirring

The clock's about to chime

It's measure is unerring

Big Ben meets the test of time

Shall we have another?

The evening is young

Itsh jusht my fourth martini

And my wife has not yet rung

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