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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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Were broadcast on the telly
Just the place for yet more crap
To turn our brains to jelly
[i,p,R,S] V. Good
I wish I'd done some thinking
Before I chose to speak
So now my foot is in my mouth
It's been there all the week.
I wish I was an alpaca
Instead of being a llama
But then again a camel
Is one to cause a drama
I wish I were a farmer
With fields all bare and ploughed
I'd grow my hops and barley
No trespassers allowed
Alas, the fields are flooded
So let us all grow rice
Now, now, please don't have a paddy
Paddy leeches aren't nice
I wish I were a boxer
Rather than a scotty
Or even a dalmatian in a desperate bid to get this moving again
Costing fifty zloty. Crap, but it'll do. (CdM) Well done. No-one's fault really.
[Rosie] I was expecting "dotty" :-)
I wish I had the foresight
To know what banks to short
Then I'd make a killing [Rosie] I thought that I'd primed it for the last line to be something like "Cos my nose is snotty" but there you go ...
If I'd sold what I bought sorry for the doublepost, but it just seemed right
I wish I was a chimpanzee
Tossing off with vigour
I'd stare at you from in my cage
(For chimps that's so de rigueur)
I do so wish I could speak French
The language of romance
Much better than the Double Dutch
"Take off der pants, der pants!"
O! Would I were a poet!
My verse, it would astound
And what it lacked in scan and rhyme
I'd make up with sheer sound.
I wish I were a sculptor
Wrestling with wet clay
Trying to create beauty
In a Venus de Milo way
I wish I was a frisbee
Spinning through the air
I'd land in someone's picnic
With buoyant savoir faire
I like my steak done meejum rare
Blood-stained, not dripping red
Served up with crispy onion rings
And crusty, warm French bread *rumbles*
I wish I were a salmon [Pen] Nicely topped and tailed
Swimming to my spawning ground
And though I'm going 'gainst the flow
My methodology is sound I wonder why some "stick"?
I wish I were a stick insect [Software] I think it has to do with the movement of the stick market
Just like Peter Crouch
I'd stick one in the Kazakh's goal
I really am no slouch
I wish I were a Two-toe'd Sloth
I just hate having five
I'd spend each day just hanging on
To prove that I'm alive.
When I switched on my telly
The news was far from good
I've lost a lot of money
So let's play Robin Hood.
When I switched on the wireless
To hear Evan Davis drawl
I sat and quietly panicked
It made my skin just crawl
I wish I were an ingot
Locked up in Fort Knox
Safely away from mayhem
In Uncle Sam's steel box
It's not the way I planned it
It's not like it should be
Alas, it's all gone pear-shaped
But it suits me to a tee
I wish I was a chimney sweep
Just like Dick Van Dyke
I'd stick my brush right up your flue
And shake it, if you like. My coat? How kind......
I wish I were Italian
Ruthlessness plus charm
I'd cruise Roma on Lambrettas
A compare on my arm Compare n. crony, close pal, buddy. Literally, "godfather" in Italian.
I wish I were a compère Compère n. master of ceremonies. From old French, meaning "godfather".
Oozing wit and charm
I'd denigrate the other acts
And call Queen Lizzie "Marm"
I wish I were a Comice Pear
A female shape for sure
Narrow here and wider there
Luscious, juicy, phwooar! Er, sorry. Saw a copy of The Sun in the Co-op.
I wish that baleen whales had teeth
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