mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

And doomed to igno-miny

I wish I had an Oscar Mayer

And not this Nathan's wiener

Since I'm a grumpy old tax payer

And Nathan's just makes me meaner...

I wish I was a baker

I'd wear a baker's hat

Quendalon

And eat large sticks of butter

I love imbibing globs of fat

With crown and orb and sceptre

My aim is for to please

And few could be adepter that's a mains adepter, btw

At avoiding all the sleaze

I wish I was a radio

That was tuned in to you

You can twang my aerial

It sure beats Radio 2

If you get poor reception

Try stroking your aerial

It will certainly mess up the scan

And if combined with poor insulation could lead to your premature burial.

I wish I were a bar of soap

Almost a glowing clerihew, that last one. Or perhaps a cleriworm
Fragrant Camay, Pears, or Fairy

My bubbles would caress your skin

And scents send your head airy.

I'm in an awful lather here

Kim

I just can't choose between

The liquid or the solid soap

Which will best keep me clean?

I've heard the tales of cooking woes

I've empathised and wept

For oysters, like famed Carpenter

In month's not 'r' except

nights

I'm going to the corner shop

I may be quite a while

The lady at the counter's cute

I'll try my rakish smile

Kim

I wish I were an oyster

An aphro-dis-i-ac

I'd make folks feel quite fruity

So they'd end up in the sack

My college class has started

And I am running late

nights

I have no time to eat my lunch

And no time to masturbate coat!

I wish I were an actor (Softers) 15-yr-olds do it in class (so I'm told)

Ella

I'd strut upon the stage

There'd be no dry eye in the house

My "Macbeth" would be the rage

I wish I were a guru

My every word you'd heed

I'd tell you to strip naked

To do a Kama Sutra deed

To partake of my wisdom

You must wear this party hat

Your brain will function better

Although you'll look a prat oblig, probably

I am a perfect Bayesian

I am coordinated

And all those silly Frequentists

Can say what they like

When Ike and Tina Turner

River deep-ed and mountain high-ed

Irouléguy

They left a good job in the city

But then ol' Ikey died

Nutbush City Limits

Ella

I'd climb the highest mountain

And forge the wettest stream

Just to get away from you (SM) Did you mean ford?

You're a nightmare not a dream

O poets red in tooth and claw [Rosie] Yes, I was thinking of 'Climb Every Rainbow'

Have no truck with sonnets (SM) Ah! The steep bit near the ground is the worst, always.

It's best to use a car instead

And etch your verse on bonnets [Software] "Can say what they like"? (three poems ago) Am I missing something subtle?

I wish I were a jam jar

Packed with jellied berry filling

Then I'd feel the rock star

Who liked young girls quite willing [Phil] yes

I wish that I were clever

And won a Nobel prize

I'd then become quite famous

And get away with lies. . . . cynical old bugger . . .

I wish I were a liar

Alas, though, I lack guile

Ella

But what I miss in cunning

I make up for with pure style

I've only ever once been caught

With my trousers down - J,R,E,C - nice :o)

The trial was held at County Court

With my boxer shorts stained brown

I wish I were a magistrate

CdM

A-sending folks to hang

I'd be acting ultra vires

Kim

But I just don't give a dang (y'all)

CdM

I wish I were immortal [Phil] I'm as confused as you are, btw.

And immoral would help too

I'd sin for all eternity [CdM] Thank god, it's not just me :-)

The bill would ne'er come due.