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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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And of me no-one does care Ahhhhh!
I do not want for anything
I've everything I need
A house, a car, a loving wife
And NO children to feed!
I wish I were a Christmas elf Kim, that's absolutely right
I'd sabotage the prezzies
A hand grenade inside a sock
Condoms for the lezzies. Not terribly witty, but there are precious few rhymes.
I make recycled paper [Rosie] Made me larf :o)
From things my cat brings me
My favourites are fur balls
For solvent, use its wee. Ever the chemist, alas. (pen) That's no bad thing this time of year, though I thought you laffed rather than larfed. :-)
I wish I had some acetone
Nail varnish to remove
Well, oxidise some propylene (irach) You were warned. :-)
Through a palladium groove
I had imagined a different outcome for the above:

I wish I had some acetone
Nail varnish to remove
'Cos I dress in women's clothes
My wife does not approve

Now moving switfly on ...

I wish I were in pantomime

I'd play Whittington's cat
With big black ears and boots and tail
And I'd hiss, and fiss, and spat.
I wish I were a cracker
Lit on Guy Fawkes Day
I'd jump and bang and generally
Make an nuisance until May.
I wish I were a snowflake
Perfection in my shape
I'd have no twin in all the world
No sibling I could ape
I know a lad named Calculus
Who knows how to integrate
His twin does cube roots in his head
That's how they differ-en-tiate
I have a suit of armor
It clanks like Puffing Billy
Made of chain and plate and scraps,
Don't dare tell me it's silly!
I have a great big knobbly mace
That lives under my pillow
I have it near me just in case
Should my bedroom monster bellow
I wish I were invisible
- A power I'd use for good
But efforts have been risible
I just can't drain myself of blood.
I wish I were knurlèd knob (RW) You from t'north?
Knobkierie or Shillelagh
I like to crush [Rosie]: Nope, I'm an American with a sense of poetic license. Even Shakespeare didn't always "rhyme" in the normals way.
the heads should be added. I'm sorry, I was in limerick mode...
Of those who mess with B Disraeli
yeah ... right, a bit crap, but it seemed a reasonable RHYMING option.:-)
I wish I had a dozen eggs
To chuck at Griff Rhys-Jones (RW) I know you're American - I was being sarcastic, because I'm a nasty old bugger. ;-)
And I'll have to use a dozen eggs [RW]No worries, love. ;) (Just to add to the confusion...)
To throw at them wot moans
I've eaten forty-one mince pies
My tummy don't feel well Just had one myself ;o)
I'll only have a couple more
So then I'll feel like hell
I am the forty-fourth mince pie
Why have I been neglected?
Is it because old Sweeney Todd
And the filler he collected.
There is a place in Missouri Let's see if y'all can follow the mispronounciation on that... Not that it has to be rhymed.
That's famed in rhyme and song
So thanks be to W C Handy . . . the bog's just round the corner . . .
We're bound to get it wrong
Chalky - I wish I'd been to Cambridge
But I was just too thick
So I got stuck at Oxford
And have no sense of poetry now. Yes, for those of you who don't know, that was intentional.
I wish I were a tiddlywink (Red Wolf) You're forgiven - this time. (Chalky) WC Handy wrote St Louis Blues, one of my favourites, but his name still makes me giggle a bit.
All round and red and shiny
Instead I am a poker chip
And doomed to igno-miny
I wish I had an Oscar Mayer
And not this Nathan's wiener
Since I'm a grumpy old tax payer
And Nathan's just makes me meaner...
I wish I was a baker
I'd wear a baker's hat
And eat large sticks of butter
I love imbibing globs of fat
With crown and orb and sceptre
My aim is for to please
And few could be adepter that's a mains adepter, btw
At avoiding all the sleaze
I wish I was a radio
That was tuned in to you
You can twang my aerial
It sure beats Radio 2
If you get poor reception
Try stroking your aerial
It will certainly mess up the scan
And if combined with poor insulation could lead to your premature burial.
I wish I were a bar of soap
Almost a glowing clerihew, that last one. Or perhaps a cleriworm
Fragrant Camay, Pears, or Fairy
My bubbles would caress your skin
And scents send your head airy.
I'm in an awful lather here
I just can't choose between
The liquid or the solid soap
Which will best keep me clean?
I've heard the tales of cooking woes
I've empathised and wept
For oysters, like famed Carpenter
In month's not 'r' except
I'm going to the corner shop
I may be quite a while
The lady at the counter's cute
I'll try my rakish smile
I wish I were an oyster
An aphro-dis-i-ac
I'd make folks feel quite fruity
So they'd end up in the sack
My college class has started
And I am running late
I have no time to eat my lunch
And no time to masturbate coat!
I wish I were an actor (Softers) 15-yr-olds do it in class (so I'm told)
I'd strut upon the stage
There'd be no dry eye in the house
My "Macbeth" would be the rage
I wish I were a guru
My every word you'd heed
I'd tell you to strip naked
To do a Kama Sutra deed
To partake of my wisdom
You must wear this party hat
Your brain will function better
Although you'll look a prat oblig, probably
I am a perfect Bayesian
I am coordinated
And all those silly Frequentists
Can say what they like
When Ike and Tina Turner
River deep-ed and mountain high-ed
They left a good job in the city
But then ol' Ikey died
I'd climb the highest mountain
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