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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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My sh*t would then be rare
The bookies would all hate me
But I really wooden care
I wish I were a dry-stone wall
Spanning hill and dale
Breaking wind from east and west -Loving your work chaps - specially on the last 6 :-)
So best not to inhale. (Chalky) Really! An' I fought you was a lady. :-)
I wish I were a mandible
Chomping down on chow
I hope there are no bones in it
If there is then I'll go "Ow!"
I wish I could articulate
And n-n-not sp-speak with a st-stammer
Then I'd say things with conviction
Such as "Hazel Blears, God damn 'er."
If anyone had warned me
That lard was bad to eat
I wouldn't now weigh twenty stone
And a heart that doesn't beat
I wish I had an extra ear
So I could hear the sound
Of one hand clapping in the woods
In glorious Sensuround©
I had a little nut tree
It bore a lot of stuff [unlike the one that bore 'nothing' - how mean-spirited was that?]
Such as gold and silver baubles
But still, it's not enough gimme gimme
I wish I was a lord-a-leaping
Over buxom wenches
Alas, I fell on one of them
With t*ts like Judi Dench's (Sorry - it was the cleanest of 5 versions I came up with)
I wish I was a thespian
On sunny Thespos isle
I'd sit and sip my ouzo
- I'm resting. Luvvie-style
I uttered a profanity
It rang throughout the room (Phil) She is magnificent, but alas no chicken.
My faux pas, a calamity
Will haunt me to the tomb
"Mum's the word," the vicar said,
"My wife must never know"
"That I'm a closet atheist"
But I just go with the flow
I wish I were old Santa Claus
My life would be so jolly
I'd spend my holly-days outdoors
A-drinking schnapps and bolly
My beard is long and fluffy
And my belly's wobbly
I rather fancy Buffy
But so does old Tom Cobleigh.
I wish I were a present
N'eer future, nay, nor past
The knife-edge moment that is life
Is over now. Oh blast.
I wish I were a great big toad (CdM) Don't do it. We love you really.
All slimy, green and warty
I'd feast on yummy damselflies
And end up fat and forty
I wish I wish I wish I wish
I wish I wish I wish
I wish a wishy-washy fish
Would wish a fishy wish
I wish the rain would stop a while
Then I could dry my hair - [irach, Phil] LOVE the wishy one :-)
A scarecrow's life is not much fun
And of me no-one does care Ahhhhh!
I do not want for anything
I've everything I need
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