mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

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Pea and Honey Recipes

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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.

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With all my legs intact

Of kneecaps I would have the ton

Irouléputtingitoutofitsmiseryguy

Or more, and that's a fact

I wish I was a grapefruit

Juicy, big and round Now, now ....

I'd squirt my juice onto your face

Then watch you writhe around.

I wish I were an acorn

A-dangling in my cup

I'd grow up to be a shady oak

Beneath which drinkers sup

I wish I were an Ouija board

The naïve I would then trick

With messages from t'Other Side

Like this one; "You're all thick!"

"The water's creeping up our road!"well, not mine, but a good friend from Oxford is coming here tonight as his road is being slowly inundated :o(

Defying gravitee Bloody pedant.

When in reaches my abode

I'll abandon ship and flee!

I wish I were a cowpat

Chock-full of biomass

In the sun then I shall dry

to a discus, not morass

I wish I were an asteroid

Wand'ring round the sun

When I got bored of orbiting

I'd crash a planet and be done

I wish I were a crater

Perhaps one on the moon

I'd keep cheese cool for later

Rather, as one says, than soon. Cheese crater, cheese grater. I dunno.

I wish I were a lightbulb

I would be so switched on

But, unpredictably, I'd pop

(or flicker, if neon).

I wish I was an inert gas

So noble I would be

I need no friends and make no bonds Explain XeF₆, then, clever clogs.

I'll float, as an anomaly

Welcome, enigma2060. Don't I know you?

I wish I had an inkling

But I think I've missed the point

I'm sure I once knew something

My brain's gone; it's this joint.

I wish my nose were shorter

For people think I lie

Or that I am prying

When it pokes them in the eye.

I wish I drove a big red bus

Along a big bus lane

I wouldn't stop for passengers

I'd drive them all insane

I wish I was a frying pan

Sizzling on the stove

Your bacon would come out real crisp

A breakfast treasure trove

I wish I were the Ace of Spades

The Leader of the Pack

I would trump all other cards

Red's red, but Black is black.

I wish I were a harem guard

My scimitar all curvy

But the limit to my manhood

Is sky-high 'cos I'm pervy.

I wish I were Hungarian

A Magyar through and through

I'd feed all day on goulash

Rhapsodise on paprikash too

I wish I had a caravan Would save all this 'Moving House' lark

The desert I would cross

I'd own ten dromedaries

Of which I'd be the boss.

I wish I were in Ngrongoro

A safari I would take

To see migrating wildebeest

(They take five hours to bake)

I wish I was a sofa bed

Of mighty width and girth

I'd still be quite uncomfortable

To someone giving birth.

I wish I was a colander It's a strain, it really is

Round and full of holes

I'd do my job hole-heartedly

And drain myself in bowls

I wish I was a clerihew

Fame and glamour as my theme

But peas and honey are my lot

The rest is just a dream.

Ii wish my lips were cherry-hued

And not just chewed and hairy

I'd do things that are very rude

To prove I'm not a fairy

I wish I were a piano string

A-stretched out very taut

I'd resonate in harmony

When e're I think I ought

I wish I were a sonnet

Five feet by fourteen long

I'd place my thoughts upon it

Whether right or wrong

I wish I were a limerick

Instead of four-line verse

My third and fourth lines would then rhyme

And scan, and be quite terse.

I wish I were more handsome

To pick up lots of girls

Their hearts I'd hold to ransom

As they'd run fingers through my curls

I wish I were a Hero

And pref'rably not dead

'Cos then I'd do heroic things

Instead, I stay in bed.

[CdM] Preview, idiot!

I wish that I had second sight wouldn't need preview then, would I?

As back-up for the first

Such fortunate clairvoyance

Makes one seem rehearsed.

I wish that I had stayed in bed

For getting up today

I strained my back and must sit down

O woe! Alack! Alay!

I do my homework nightly

Just to please my teacher

This essay is on Superman

She likes a Sci-Fi creature

I have no time for hypocrits

For I am free of cant

And I'm truly open minded

I am not prone to rant

My virtue is unparalleled

Yet my life is full of woe

It started when my ego swelled

Through doorways it won't go.

As God once said to Moses,

Take these tablets twice a day

And then, as one supposes

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