mc5 - Pea and Honey Recipes

I wish I weren't an England fan

It's getting somewhat bland

Whether soccer, cricket, rugby

So best stick head in sand.

I wish I were an Irish man

I'd have the name O'Reilly

Irouléguy

And cheer the boys at Croker Park

Because I'm really smiley :-)

I want to have a raison d'étre

But sadly can't speak French;

Instead, I'll eat this raisin bread

Je mange, donc je suis wench.

Irach

I wish that I could sprachen Deutsch

And read Immanuel Kant

Es wäre gut, and would bear fruit

And like Hitler I would rant

Я не говорю по-русски - that's 'ya nye gavaryou pa russkie' (I don't speak russian)

And have never wanted to

Except when calling up a Huskie

For a bit of how-de-do

I wish I were an isobar

Behind Susan Powell's back

gil

I'd pluck a string on my guitar

Then give her bum a whack

I wish I were a bandicoot

Irouléguy

(a bonzer Aussie mammal)

I'd live inside a handy boot

Juxtapose

And coat it with enamel moving along...

I wish I were a roundabout

In scenic Swindon Town

I'd be adorned with traffic lights

And make the drivers frown

I wish I'd find a dodo bird

And teach it how to fly

Alas, such thoughts are quite absurd

Can't find one -- wonder why?

I wish I were a traffic cop

I'd stand right in the road

Gesticulating wildly at

Your girlfriend's outsize load

I wish I were a toothbrush

And you were my false teeth

I'd brush up against you gently

Irouléguy

In Morningside or Leith

I have no need for silicone

I'm all up-front, you see

My hair and teeth are still my own

And my feet I still can seeThere you go again, Chalks, making us boys all excited ;o)

If I had a ham sandwich

I'd throw away my Spam

And with a ripe tomato

Choke that bastard Sam-I-am. What an irritating sod.

I wish I had some lemonade

For I am truly parched

I'd drink it mixed with English beer

To keep my top lip starched

I wish I had some creme brulée

And here's the reason why;

I love to crack the skin on top

It's crispier than pie

I wish I had a napkin now

Because I've spilt my milk - Tuj First Line Takeover eh?

There's no use crying over it

I am not of that ilk Limited opportunities there, Chalks

Running the line:

I wish I were a footballer Keeping Tuj at bay .....

Who scored a winning goal

I'd slide ten yards upon my knees

And then whip out my pole I'll get me coat.

I wish I wasn't always first Just seems to keep happening...

One could always miss a turn

But MC⁵ is addictive
And I am slow to learn

There, can't be my go now.

I wish I were a magistrate

Then yobs I'd really hammer

I'd put them all in clink for eight

In the Sing-Sing slammer

I wish I were a biscuit tin *sigh*

And you a custard cream

Within I would enclose you

gil

In my snack housing scheme.

I wish I were a piece of cake

I'm easy, will that do?

But do take care, for I've got nuts

And could taste salty, too best just to spit.

I wish I were a sock puppet

Like Sooty, Sweep, or Soo

I'd sock it to 'em Muppets

And Punch and Judy too

I wish I were a tuba

Of highly polished brass

Eighteen feet of convolution

Designed to play 'Whispering Grass' Ladies & Gentlemen Mr. Don Estelle. Don't all leave at once.

I wish I were a raindrop

Falling on your nose

I'd make a splash and trickle

Like dew upon a rose

I wish today was Saturday

And that this month was June

The year was nineteen fifty-two Get out of that, y' buggers. :-)

Phil

Tonight there's a half moon only if it's the 14th though

I wish it were the fourteenth day

Of my two-week detox

Juxtapose

I'd celebrate the standard way:

Oh, what a paradox!

I wish I was a lemon rind

Fruity, empty, yellow

Like Bognor on an April day

Where old farts rant and bellow.

Phil

[i;D;IS,P!;R] Splendid
I wish I were a German car

Assembled in Bavaria

Mein engine would be wunderbar